Uh…which one of us needs therapy in this relationship?

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“Is it you, or is it me?”

“Am I letting you get away with too much? Am I enabling you? Or are you the one with the problem?”

“Why do you say ‘okay I’ll change’ and then a month (or less!) later, we’re just back to where we were before?”

“When should I just give up and walk away? How can I know that feeling with 100% certainty, instead of the constant confusion I now feel?”

These are questions I hear all the time.

The latest set came from one of my closest girlfriends, Jenny.

She’s sniffling on my patio couch, her bare feet tucked up under her, arms around her knees. She’s beautiful, super athletic, and a sucker for exciting guys who have the same strong personal growth trajectory that she has. The men she chooses also have a tendency to get very weird in relationships.

Three marriages later, you’d think she’d know by now how to spot the men who’ll eventually trample her. And for that matter, the close girlfriends she’s had who’ll also make her end up feeling in the wrong.

The latest is that she’s broken up with Jake.

I remember when Jake was so amazing. Then he started getting…odd.

It began with jealousy: Was she flirting with other guys? Was she having too much fun with her girlfriends on girls night? Had she ever slept with one of her oldest and best friends, who happens to be a guy?

Jake began rifling through her email and texts, and when he found her old Tinder profile, went full out on the offensive.

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8 investments that changed me as a woman

Entrepreneurs, Family, Wealth11 Comments

I’m jumping on a trend here before it gets too big. It’s just so good that I can’t pass it up! It’s the “8 Investments That Changed Me as a Woman” post.

The idea is to put down the 8 things you’ve done, bought, or allowed yourself to have that have massively upleveled your life. (And yes, it’s “for women,” but you fellows may resonate to this list too!)

The list is materialistic because it’s about things we acquire. But it’s also a huge lesson in receiving.

As someone who practices Flowdreaming, I’m always thinking about what I want to manifest/make/create/have/be/do next. So this concept fits right in.

Here are my Top Eight.

 

1. Retreats for My Own Personal Joy, Creativity, and Wellness

It took me forever to allow myself to go on spiritual or creative holidays. I had so much resistance to it. For one, my husband would be upset that I didn’t invite him. For another thing, how can I justify spending the cash on myself like that, when I have no idea if there will be any “return on investment” for it?

I used to be so ridiculous about this. Sure, I’d take a regular vacation and not worry  about “ justifying” it. But if I wanted to go off and do art for a week, or meditate for a weekend? Uh uh, that had to become a work expense or I’d find some other way to make it “ok.”

No more. Now I take one to two pure “me” trips each year. I choose things that I want to do or learn. I don’t invite anyone to go with me if I want to just be inside myself for the week. I’m not beholden to making anyone else happy when I gift myself these treasure weeks.

And you know what? These weeks infallibly end up cracking me open like a coconut. The point of these trips is to see what gets opened, exposed, or grown in me. I want to experience something that I don’t already know about myself.

These weeks accelerate my inner journey, which in the end, makes me far richer and more productive in my life. My well rarely goes dry as a result.

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I’ve never been a one-size-fits-all girl

Change & Transitions, Health & Wellness27 Comments

A big tropical thunderstorm is rolling its way through the sky right now. The thunder was so loud, it woke the whole house at 6:30 this morning.

It feels like Hawaii here. Moist, wet, with the birds singing and big dark clouds pouring warm rain off and on onto my covered patio.

 It gets me in a thoughtful mood.

 Out of the hundreds of blog responses I’ve received in the last month, wishing me well, one has been clinging inside my head.

The sender, Karen, wrote:

 “I cannot wrap my mind around the ‘Why Summer??’ I have always known you to be a positive, happy, content woman. I thought cancer engulfed people who were worried and unhappy on the inside. This takes it to a whole different level for me.”

 Yeah, for me too, Karen. I admit to having harbored a bit of the same bias.

 People in personal growth often get caught up in the self-blame act. We look at everything and try to rationalize it.

“Cancer means lack of self-love.”

“Cancer is your wake-up call, because you were going down the wrong path.”

“Cancer means you’ve been stewing in negativity and a toxic environment.”

“Cancer means you weren’t paying enough attention to your body.”

Gosh, that sucks. Look at all I’m doing wrong!

Or wait a minute. Because, this is not at all how I’m experiencing this cancer.

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Junior high, getting intimate, and Daddy Longlegs…yeah, it’s all here.

Change & Transitions, Family, Health & Wellness8 Comments

It’s 5 a.m. and I’m sitting here writing you. I’m up because the pain in my hips woke me. It’s pain from the chemo drugs.

Funny things happen this early in a suburban house. There’s a newborn daddy longlegs spider running across my keyboard (fresh hatch of the day?).

My cats lay on my desk looking at me, mystified. Why is the human up?

I try to text my friends, but no one texts back. (What’s wrong with them? Don’t they know I’m up?!)

And this morning’s crop of email is not especially interesting. I unsubscribe from much of it.

I flash back to 12 years ago, when I was also typically up by about 4:30 a.m. to work on writing my first book.

Back then I was hugely pregnant with my daughter. I was also tired and aching, and I had to be at my 9 to 5 job by 7 a.m. on-the-dot each morning.

Now here I am about to take that baby from 12 years ago to her first day of junior high three hours from now.

We stayed up in bed last night going through her classes, her schedule, which friends were in her classes, and importantly (but devastatingly), which “hot guys” were not.

And it got me thinking how life is a continuous craving of new experiences.

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I could use some Goddess Power. How about you?

Health & Wellness, Love & Partnerships1 Comment

“Summer, why don’t you ever talk about”¦you know”¦sex. And Flowdreaming.”

I get this question every few months, and it’s a really good question.

Because, you’re right, I tend to avoid talking about sex and sensuality with Flow.

I’m very aware that being in Flow can certainly be a practically orgiastic experience. After all, you’re opening your emotional self in huge way and synching up with the most powerful energy in the Universe.

For another thing, my Flowdreams can be pretty evocative. After all, I’m trying to stimulate you to feel something, and get you into your emotions.

So when I thought of narrating a Flowdream about your sensuality and helping you reawaken and strengthen your natural feminine power”¦I’ve continuously gotten stuck at the thought: “It’s going to sound just like porn!! Oh my God!!! I know it. Ugh how can I get it to not sound porny?!”

And that’s the truth.

But I finally got over it, because I love you, and my fear of how I might sound shouldn’t get in the way of all the good it will do for you and thousands of other women.

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I used to think life was fair

Entrepreneurs, Jobs & Work, Passion & Purpose, Resistance24 Comments

I used to think life was fair: If I played by the rules, bad stuff wouldn’t happen. Now I know that those rules are bunk.

I received an email this morning from someone that puts into words exactly how I used to feel:

She wrote: “We couldn’t afford much as we went through our layoff with our newborn and toddler in tow, but we managed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the end. For quite awhile there, our life was a chaotic storm. We couldn’t see anything but the nightmare around us…we didn’t understand…we were educated professionals who played by the rules…why is this happening to us?!”

I know that feeling so well. It’s pure disillusionment.

But when you get past this, you become free. Absolutely free.

Here’s why:

We all have a set of rules that we play by. And we get really upset when other people break these rules, and seem to suffer no consequences.

(Have you ever wished someone you despise would get a broken leg, but they NEVER do, and worse, better and better things keep happening to them? If you have, you’ve got to keep reading.)

We also get bummed when we ourselves do everything right, and then one day we get completely dumped on.

I felt this way when I left my corporate job. It wasn’t fair that I was making the company multi-millions each year through our new division, and no one saw or cared about what I had given them, even when the numbers were staring them right in the face.

I felt this way, too, when I got cancer at 43. I eat organic foods, was vegetarian for 24 years, and I’ve probably swallowed more herbs and vitamins than most people will consume in a lifetime. So, cancer? Seriously?

It’s not fair.

However…thank God I’ve gotten over fairness!!!! 

Hear me: Fairness can hamstring you and hold you back in ways you can’t imagine. Let’s turn this concept on its head. 

Ready to go break a ceiling in your thinking?

I’ve got a much better strategy to play by!!! 

Do you want to find out what it is???

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Being stuck is a choice.

Change & Transitions, Uncategorized1 Comment

There are a couple of really good songs this summer that I’m trying hard not to listen to too much.

I don’t want to end up hating them, like I did with “All About That Bass.”

So I know how it feels to want to Flowdream for something, pop in the Flowdream mp3, and think, “Oh not this again.”

That’s one of the reasons why I created playlists.

Playlists are groups of Flowdreams that address a single desire, but through multiple emotional states.

And that’s the other reason that Playlists are the way to go.

Since we often don’t know what areas are truly blocked, with a Playlist you have a much better chance of busting through and getting your Flow moving.

A playlist has you using several emotional paths instead of just one.

For instance, sometimes I’ll talk with someone who has to make a decision. They feel frustrated and stuck. No options seem right.

It would seem obvious to suggest that they use the single Flowdream “Effortless Decisions” and be done with it.

But sometimes, going straight-on like that is counterproductive-it can make a person feel even more frustrated if the right answer doesn’t pop up after a few listens.

That’s why instead I recommend the “Get Unstuck! Playlist.” Your inability to make a choice could be there for a variety of reasons, and the playlist unearths them for you.

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I’m going to make you jealous

Change & Transitions, Health & Wellness15 Comments

Of all the comments I received in response to my July 17 newsletter, my favorite one was from a woman who wrote me that “cancer saved her life.”

How this woman put my whole email into instant perspective like this is remarkable.

Because it’s true for me too: cancer saved my life.

Not that there was anything wrong with my life.

For the last five years, my life has been arcing upward into more and more happiness every day. Just about everything on my “manifesting list” (about 90%) has come true already.

I’ve actually had to write up a whole new list! And that was tough to do, since most it what I wrote was simply along the lines of “Just give me more of this, please” with a sprinkle of “going bigger” items.

Being in Flow has caused my entire life to reshape itself and turn inside out. All my priorities have shifted. All my expectations have grown.

When I learned I had cancer, I cried for three days straight and mourned what I thought would be a “loss.”

I had fear that I’d lose my breast, hair, and my once-pretty figure. That I’d lose my health, and even my life. That I’d lose a year to horrible anti-cancer treatment. That I’d lose my company, Flowdreaming, during this year. That I’d even lose my faith, since how did I manifest cancer for god sakes?

None of those things are happening.

Being ill is expanding my life.

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I love myself…but you loving me? That’s more difficult.

Cancer, Health & Wellness, Resistance, Spirituality36 Comments

Honestly I’ve started and stopped writing this email at least three times. Not only have I not written anything to you in several months (aside from my newsletter last week), but now that I am, it’s incredibly hard to get my thoughts focused.

It’s that “I don’t know where to begin” paralysis.

So how about this: right now, my daughter Lexi is sitting on the bed with me eating chocolate covered strawberries. I’m laying down with bloody drains coming out of my side, trying to take as little pain medication as possible. I just had a mastectomy.

Every day this week, my friends have been bringing my family meals. It’s only the fifth day after surgery and already my refrigerator is stuffed full. My bestie Jen sent the chocolate strawberries. I have bouquets of flowers surrounding my bed and heaps of cards on my table.

And part of me wants to text everyone and tell them to stop sending things and bringing food, because I’m fine goddamit, and then another part of me reminds me that I still need help just putting my clothes on, or brushing my hair.

I know this might be a surprise. People who live a “straight and narrow holy life” aren’t supposed to get things like cancer, are they?

I remember feeling the same way when Wayne Dyer, my radio cohost for many years, got leukemia. And when Debbie Ford, another friend, got cancer. And when Jerry Hicks got cancer.

It doesn’t make sense. Yet of course it does make sense, if we only had the wherewithal to know what was really going on Upstairs.

Nevertheless, I’m going to save the “why I manifested cancer” epistle for another post, because instead I need to explore something more immediate that’s popped up that I’m struggling to understand in terms of Flow, which is how to receive.

Yep, that old bad boy, coming around for yet another round.

What an irony, I think, that I’ve practiced the art of Flowdreaming and manifesting to where I create some truly dazzling things, but even so, here I am rubbing up again against that same ceiling.

You know how I found it this time?

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