The pattern master

The Pattern Master

(Another long but good article on why we bother with personal growth.)

I’ve been sending my book manuscript out to agents lately. I wrote what I thought was a rippin’ hot pitch letter and included the juiciest bits of my writing samples.

I’ve had just four replies, all rejections.

Then, last night I was lying in bed watching “(Un)well,” a new TV show that explores all kinds of alternative therapies. The first show was about essential oils. And it struck me: they were explaining things that I already knew about, that I already “got,” there was nothing new here. But they were acting as if I’d never heard of oils before and was clueless about the whole exciting and dramatic industry!

I realized in that moment that my pitch letter has been falling on deaf ears. I’ve been acting like every potential agent already knows all about patterns, blocks, and personal growth. I’ve been approaching them like they’re insiders, long-timers. They’re not. Most of them have barely heard of Tony Robbins. They’re probably wondering what the hell I’m writing about.

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The Flower That Grows Too High Is The First To Be Cut

There’s an old saying that the flower that grows too high in the field is the first to be cut.

In other words, don’t stick out.

Which is also saying, “Don’t be seen.”

Except that being seen is exactly what you’re striving for. Everything you offer to the world is something you’ve made, written, done, carved, studied for, put together, etc. You’re wanting an audience for it. You want clients for it — customers, admirers, readers, viewers, consumers. You want people to share it with.

You say you try to be seen all the time. “I write newsletters! I speak on stages! I get in front of the room to read my latest proposal to the team. I stick my hand up in meetings and I even have a gorgeous website to showcase myself on.”

But is that enough? Because at some point, you back down. You give up. You slink away and say, “I tried and they rejected. It always happens.”

And that is that. You grow no taller than the flowers around you. To go any further would be too risky. Something would be put on the line. The bigger flowers are right: you are not good enough.

Ooof. That hurts.

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I made the mistake of spending too much time on my phone last night—swipe swipe swipe

I made the mistake of spending too much time on my phone last night—swipe swipe swipe

I sniffled into my pillow around 11 pm, miserable and thinking that we are all gonna die, starve, or be homeless. (Oh my god, I know, I know better.)

So I totally get your feeling of sliding between two crazy poles of fear and calm right now. It’s like an army has invaded our country, except it’s made of the people we love and the viruses they harbor. Now what? You can’t fight that with a missile.

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How I’m turning a crazy time into a peaceful, productive, focused time

How I’m turning a crazy time into a peaceful, productive, focused time.

I’m thinking a lot about this right now.

I’m seeing peers still lobbing emails about new programs they’re launching as if nothing in the world is going on. I’m seeing my local theaters assuring me that all the seats are wiped down. And I’m hearing that the stock market is just a wreck.

I am wondering what all this means, and how long it will last, and what each of us is going to do to weather it.

Because there is A LOT we can do. I am constantly reminding myself that it’s never about what’s happening around you. It’s about how YOU are happening to it. Here are a few things I’m doing right now:

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Everything you hear from me is going to be insanely, freaking positive

You know how I’m handling this? 

By making everything you hear from me going forward be incredibly positive and proactive.

Yup, this is gonna be the one blog you will be looking forward to getting over the next few weeks or months.

Because, I’m thinking that’s what I need to hear, too, right now from someone, anyone!

What will make me feel calm? In control? Absolutely facing everything head on, and yet also optimistic and sure that I’m on the right track and doing the right things through this?

Is anybody in the news or government going to give me these kinds of feelings? I don’t think so. 

They are all busy falling off the end of the earth. So I’m going to make these feelings happen for me, and you too if you want it. Read on, friends.

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What 2020 will give us in this new interesting era…

I don’t forecast often, but I can’t help but think about how this virus will change us, as a culture.

What I see is that things that were “optional” are now becoming essential. Here’s are a few things I expect to see go big in 2020:

1. More work-from-home opportunities. Yeah, if you work in retail or manufacturing, you’ll still be driving to work. But I’ve managed a virtual team in my company for seven years. It is wonderful. Now a bunch of mainstream companies are going to offer more of it, too.

2. Netflix, Hulu, TV, podcasts and entertainment services in general are going to have to keep up with demand. Talkshows will record to empty audiences. But they will still reach your living room. Binge-watching is about to hit new levels.

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The Top 5 Positive Affirmations for Women

You roll out of bed and it’s early. Everyday it feels too early.

Brush your teeth, examine your face in the mirror with pink pillow line indents still migrating on your cheeks, and you shuffle into your clothes. Is there coffee? Maybe. Or perhaps just green tea this morning because you’re trying to be healthy. Out the door and off you go.

What’s missing, gals?

What is your intention for the day? Have to offered your next 12 hours any direction . . . like fruitful and bountiful thoughts? Or are you on autopilot to just take whatever comes? Let’s fix that. I know I don’t talk enough about affirmations, but they are one of the most important intention-setting aspects of your day.

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Outgrowing Your Relationship Is Normal

Yes, the downside to pursuing a life of personal growth is that you might outgrow your friends and family and zip right past them.

Seems like a weird thing to worry about, but worry about it we do. Because when it happens, it’s painful. It’s sad.

I’m not going to bother with the whole crabs in a bucket story because I’m sure you’ve heard it.

Your friends and family fit who you are right now. We’re all floating on the same level of awareness in our big bathtub of life. If we connect, then we’re generally at the same level.

However, you’re maybe not so content with this level. It’s got some icky parts. You’re tired of the negativity. Tired of the constant lack-thinking. Fed up with the family bullshit. Done with feeling stuck in work that leaves you totally exhausted yet unfulfilled when you come home.

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Softness is strength

Softness is strength. But sometimes we forget.

Our world thrives on the critical. So much so, that when we’re real and soft with each other, it’s suspect.

Lies make all the good shows on TV. Think Preacher, Barry, Game of Thrones, Orange Is the New Black. All depend on lies to spin them forward.

Realness and vulnerability are so much harder to write, let alone act.

That means these are rare, and what’s rare is coveted. Which means you are coveted. Because you are not a lie. 

Take this moment to feel how real and soft you are. It’s a rare and divine commodity these days. Forget what they say about being hard and tough. Hard and tough is easy. It’s walled, shielded, and thick. Bricks are easy to come by. 

The truly strong let their softness walk through their front door, knowing the risk, and they still take it. And because you do that, you are truly strong.

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I know you want to help someone to change. They aren’t going to. Now what?

How can you make someone change? You can’t. Honestly, you can’t. But there is something you can do.

You know that feeling when someone you love keeps telling you to act different, be different? Spend your money differently, show up at work differently, show up in bed differently? You know how annoying that is? How you just want to smack them?

You wonder where they get off thinking that not only do they get total control over their own life, but now they think they get control over yours too? No way buddy. You get your life, I get mine.

Well they think this same way about you, so if you won’t change for them, they’re not going to change for you either. 

Now what? 

There’s actually a way to make some movement on this.

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