Ms. Goalypants

Hey there, Ms. Goaly-pants. Ease up.

If January (and all its goal-setting hoohaw) is sitting hard on your heart, then here is a reframe.

Relax. Breathe.

Most of us tend to overcomplicate everything because we’re driven by lack-thinking. And so we spend our days trying to be super on top of everything so nothing bad will happen. It’s frickin’ exhausting.

Now add those new January goals to the list. Arggh! Do you see why you don’t keep them?

The idea of living in a state of ease has become an ideal for most of us. Instead, it’s all: Goals! Work! Goals! Work!

Letting go and trusting Flow is apparently only what you get to do when you retire. (As in: hard work, frustration, and sacrifice now . . . ease later.)

Overcommitted exhaustion and continuously feeling behind or “not as good as”become the default energies that show up in every area of our life. And, instead of ending up successful, we end up burned out, cranky, unhealthy, and often with lower self-esteem than when we started.

Here’s the email that provoked this thought in me:

I used to think life was fair

I used to think life was fair: If I played by the rules, bad stuff wouldn’t happen. Now I know that those rules are bunk.

I received an email this morning from someone that puts into words exactly how I used to feel:

She wrote: “We couldn’t afford much as we went through our layoff with our newborn and toddler in tow, but we managed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the end. For quite awhile there, our life was a chaotic storm. We couldn’t see anything but the nightmare around us…we didn’t understand…we were educated professionals who played by the rules…why is this happening to us?!

I know that feeling so well. It’s pure disillusionment.

But when you get past this, you become free. Absolutely free.

Here’s why:

We all have a set of rules that we play by. And we get really upset when other people break these rules, and seem to suffer no consequences.

(Have you ever wished someone you despise would get a broken leg, but they NEVER do, and worse, better and better things keep happening to them? If you have, you’ve got to keep reading.)

We also get bummed when we ourselves do everything right, and then one day we get completely dumped on.

I felt this way when I left my corporate job. It wasn’t fair that I was making the company multi-millions each year through our new division, and no one saw or cared about what I had given them, even when the numbers were staring them right in the face.

I felt this way, too, when I got cancer at 43. I eat organic foods, was vegetarian for 24 years, and I’ve probably swallowed more herbs and vitamins than most people will consume in a lifetime. So, cancer? Seriously?

It’s not fair.

However…thank God I’ve gotten over fairness!!!! 

Hear me: Fairness can hamstring you and hold you back in ways you can’t imagine. Let’s turn this concept on its head. 

Ready to go break a ceiling in your thinking?

I’ve got a much better strategy to play by!!! 

Do you want to find out what it is???

I love myself…but you loving me? That’s more difficult.

Honestly I’ve started and stopped writing this email at least three times. Not only have I not written anything to you in several months (aside from my newsletter last week), but now that I am, it’s incredibly hard to get my thoughts focused.

It’s that “I don’t know where to begin” paralysis.

So how about this: right now, my daughter Lexi is sitting on the bed with me eating chocolate covered strawberries. I’m laying down with bloody drains coming out of my side, trying to take as little pain medication as possible. I just had a mastectomy.

Every day this week, my friends have been bringing my family meals. It’s only the fifth day after surgery and already my refrigerator is stuffed full. My bestie Jen sent the chocolate strawberries. I have bouquets of flowers surrounding my bed and heaps of cards on my table.

And part of me wants to text everyone and tell them to stop sending things and bringing food, because I’m fine goddamit, and then another part of me reminds me that I still need help just putting my clothes on, or brushing my hair.

I know this might be a surprise. People who live a “straight and narrow holy life” aren’t supposed to get things like cancer, are they?

I remember feeling the same way when Wayne Dyer, my radio cohost for many years, got leukemia. And when Debbie Ford, another friend, got cancer. And when Jerry Hicks got cancer.

It doesn’t make sense. Yet of course it does make sense, if we only had the wherewithal to know what was really going on Upstairs.

Nevertheless, I’m going to save the “why I manifested cancer” epistle for another post, because instead I need to explore something more immediate that’s popped up that I’m struggling to understand in terms of Flow, which is how to receive.

Yep, that old bad boy, coming around for yet another round.

What an irony, I think, that I’ve practiced the art of Flowdreaming and manifesting to where I create some truly dazzling things, but even so, here I am rubbing up again against that same ceiling.

You know how I found it this time?

Blessings in disguise

It was a big surprise when my doctor called in July and unceremoniously dropped the “C” word. Cancer. In me. Right now. And not a small tumor, but a nice big one that had sprouted babies in my breast.
 
Flowdreaming has become about way more than just making things happen for me, and “attracting” stuff into my life.

I’ve also been using it to create new characteristics in myself, fully reshape and reprogram my emotional conditioning, and to heal…especially to heal!

Heal grief, heal fear, anger and loss…you name it and I’ve applied the Flow approach to it. But cancer is a new one for me.
 
In a weird way, I feel like I’m finally discovering the rest of the elephant, not just the tail. Like I’ve gotten past the flashy candy wrapper of the manifesting part, and am now deep down in the Real Stuff of what Flowdreaming is and does.
 
So of course, Flow is Gettin’ Real with me.
 
That means right now I’m figuring out how to put cancer into Flow. And how to put grief into Flow. And how to put fear and loss into Flow. And frankly, how to embrace anything (even cancer) I end up being part of creating.
 
Part of this embracing means changing the emotions I feel when I encounter something scary and unwanted.

Flow reminds me I always have a choice in how I feel. I know how to pre-act. And I know how to react. And I can always choose which side of the fence I want to be on.
 
I can choose to resist my next step or embrace it.
 
So here is a Facebook post I shared with my M.E. School classes a few weeks ago, that will give you glimpse into how I’m embracing one of the scariest things in my life:

“Oh Lord, let anything hurtful spit me out like a bad peanut.”

 Remember that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, when Veruca Salt gets tossed down the chute for being a “bad peanut?” What a right and fitting end for her, we all thought.

As a bad peanut, Veruca was ejected from her situation. And, oddly, I find myself thinking along similar lines often in my life, whenever I say some variation of that to myself, usually something like, “If it isn’t in my Flow, it won’t stick. My Flow will reject it like a bad peanut” Or, “This bad situation can’t touch me, since I don’t resonate with it one tiny bit!”

I talk to a lot of people on my podcast and in the private sessions and workshops I hold. There are always people who have the same gripe, which goes like this:

“YOU have a great life. You’re lucky. But I have a horrible job that I dread going to — it’s SO mind numbing. And as for my husband and family…ugh, there’s constantly some problem! But YOU — you have an easy life because nothing bad ever happens to you. You’re lucky! Why?!”

Yikes. My hypothetical client has a lot of ugly situations in her life. And these situations should be rejecting her like a bad peanut — the kind where you eat one out of the bag and then spit it out in surprise, half-chewed, because it tastes like something died in it? That kind of bad situation.