It was a big surprise when my doctor called in July and unceremoniously dropped the “C” word. Cancer. In me. Right now. And not a small tumor, but a nice big one that had sprouted babies in my breast.
Flowdreaming has become about way more than just making things happen for me and “attracting” stuff into my life.
I’ve also been using it during my journey with breast cancer to create new characteristics in myself, fully reshape and reprogram my emotional conditioning, and to heal…especially to heal!
Heal grief, heal fear, anger, and loss…you name it, and I’ve applied self-healing meditational Flows to it. But cancer is a new one for me.
In a weird way, I feel like my cancer journey is allowing me to finally discover the rest of the elephant, not just the tail. Like I’ve gotten past the flashy candy wrapper of the manifesting part, and I am now deep down in the Real Stuff of what Flowdreaming is and does.
So of course, Flow is Gettin’ Real with me.
That means right now I’m figuring out how to put cancer into Flow … and how to put grief into Flow … and how to put fear and loss into Flow… and, frankly, how to embrace anything (even cancer) as part of creating.
Part of embracing this journey with breast cancer means changing the emotions I feel when I encounter something scary and unwanted.
Flow reminds me I always have a choice in how I feel about my cancer journey. I know how to pre-act, and I know how to react. I can always choose which side of the fence I want to be on.
I can choose to resist my next step or embrace it.
So here is a Facebook post I shared with my M.E. School classes a few weeks ago that will give you a glimpse into how I’m embracing one of the scariest things in my life:
On Monday at 10 am California time, they’ll put me to sleep for several hours to remove my breast and lymph nodes. I admit I’m grieving the loss. I spent an hour in the tub last night letting myself grieve that my body got confused, sprouted something deadly, and now my job is to help it fix itself.
Reconstruction also has its own separate and longer surgery, and the options still involve lots of scaring and cutting in multiple parts of the body. And then I think about the rest of my cancer journey, about being in an immune-depressed state for so long, and the poison it leaves in your body.
There’s so much I COULD get caught up in, but if there’s ever a time to manage my head, this is it. I realize I’ve been “training” my emotions for a decade now, just for this very sort of thing! My goodness, it started with manifesting, but it’s become so much more.
It means I think about how it feels to embrace this breast cancer journey instead of fighting it by being angry at my body, wondering why I got this so young, knowing I’ll permanently look different, and blaming myself for “whatever I did to cause this,” or any other emotions that feel out of alignment for me.
It simply FEELS better to go into my healing with a sense that there’s something here for me, and if I’m alert and open, I’ll receive it. It’s putting me back into “student mode” which shows me that I’m being offered a chance to grow my thinking and understanding. I’m getting an awesome “discomfort zone.”
I really picked a whopper of an event that could trigger me into crazy fear, grief, loss of control, etc., which tells me I really did receive my next step. I get to see how I deal with this now, after my decade of experience in Flow.
This will be my third emergency surgery in life, and this time, I’ll be doing it very differently. I’ll be talking to my body through my entire cancer journey, embracing my fear with love, and letting myself receive healing instead of trying to rush through it in anger, denial, or resentment.
Though I’ve been steeped in it my whole life, I’m opening my door even wider to whatever new things I can learn about energy, healing, and the body’s role in Flow and our lives, and whatever else feels like the right fit.
Obviously, this breast cancer journey is part of my next step. I am intensely curious where this is taking me!!!
I want to thank you all deeply for your thoughts, support, love, Flow, healing, and anything else you send my way! You are all an extraordinary bunch, and I’m so lucky to have found you.
Imagine if we all embraced our fears instead of avoided them.
Imagine if we didn’t suppress them, or fight them, or try to hold them back, but we let them out and acknowledged them as part of ourselves — a part that wants healing, inner growth, and strengthening.
These fears can be about anything from my cancer journey to “I’m afraid I’ll never be loved” to “No one will hire me at this age” to on and on and on.
Some things just can’t run us any more.
They can’t run your manifesting. They can’t run your emotions.
They can’t run your life. What you are is what you create.
We always think it’s things outside us that control our life: our salary, our obligations, etc. But really, we’re the ones who control everything.
Everything we tolerate, we choose to tolerate. Everything we get mad at, we choose to blame or be frustrated about. Everything that stops us, we’ve accepted as the thing that stops us.
Everything I fear, including my breast cancer journey, I give power to when I take it to the darkest place in my heart.
But conversely, I can also take it to the most loving place in me, despite how difficult that love may be.
What happens when I do that?
Cancer is allowing me to do that. I’ve been practicing loving my cancer journey, loving my body, and loving every circumstance that led to this point.
There are a million ways I can think of for how cancer could ruin, or even end, my life. But how can it bless my life? How can this breast cancer journey change me? I want to find that.
Everything Flow gives me is an opportunity, a next step, and part of my creation. What should I stop trusting that fact now?
I hope my cancer journey is triggering you to ask yourself, too:
- What opportunities are hiding in my fear right now?
- What is blessing my life right now?
- What bad or scary thing can I choose to embrace instead of resist?
- What happens when I turn the tables and startle the bogeyman by staring it in the face?
- What happens when I stop resisting and start loving?
- What will my Flow do with that?”
I’d love for you to post a comment below with your reaction to this article. I read them all!
XOXO with love and Flow,
P.S. If you want to begin playing with manifesting to get beyond your own fear, I suggest the Ready to Go Big playlist