Why “Adventuring” Is the Next Big Thing

Yesterday I had a private session with a delightful lady who was stuck in the mud. Not literally, of course. But her whole life (her flow, her vibe) was one stalled out, stuck, endless loop of indecision and subsequent anger at herself for being in this predicament.

“I’m stuck,” she said to me.

“I know,” I replied. “How’d you get this way?’

“I was hoping you’d tell me,” she said.

We picked and pulled on threads that led her to this point. But more importantly, I like to find solutions. I like to find open doorways that lead to the next point.

Being stuck is actually a misnomer. You’re aren’t stuck; you’ve just been sitting there at a pivot point for so long that you started to think all the roads and choices you had have disappeared.

They haven’t. You’ve just gotten blinder to them.

So how do we fix that?

30 Things I Did This Year

As the year closes, one resounding thud of a thought keeps circling: I don’t want to lose this year too. I want to capture this year, keep it like a songbird in my heart.

And it’s way too easy to let it slip into blankness the way 2020 did. In other words, I feel like I lost one year, and I sure as heck am not going to lose two.

So I’m doing something to capture my year. I’m doing something that cements it into my life, and reminds me that a hundred good things happened to me, my family, and people I love.

I’m purposely and thoughtfully folding up the sweater of my memories and placing it carefully and sweetly in the drawer. This is giving me closure. It’s making my 2021 shine brighter.

Do you want to do this with me?

Here’s what we do. First, this is an energy exercise as much as anything. It’s asking you to call up and touch on one bright sparkle of a moment or event, one after another, until you’re overflowing.

22 bullshit life purposes

Maybe you’ve always had too many interests, too many possible directions to go in. Narrowing them to “The One” has always been tough.

You can feel the old thoughts swirling: Will you ever be able to choose the “right thing” to focus on? And what about the other things—what if you’d like them more than the thing you choose and just don’t know it? 

How can there possibly be time for them all? Speaking of timing, when will one thing you want really ripen up into something spectacular….or should you drop it now and move on to the next thing that’s been patiently waiting for your time and attention?

Which way do we go, which way do we go?

2020 gave us gifts (here’s what they are)

2020 gave us gifts. Here’s what they are.

I’m sitting here wrapping up work for the year, planning on taking a few weeks off for the holidays. I feel like before I go, I want to send you all a note about this year. This crazy, crazy year.

Like you, I started 2020 dreaming up big things for myself and others. And like you, I found myself stuttering and swerving as more and more fear and ridiculousness swung my way: COVID-19, the California wildfires and unprecedented number of hurricanes, the fight for BLM, and a near miss with the breakdown of democracy in the U.S. Unfathomable. It’s as if the Universe rolled up all it had and tossed it to us: “Take that, Americans. If you don’t learn from this, I don’t know what it’s gonna take.”

And learn we have.

The pattern master

The Pattern Master

(Another long but good article on why we bother with personal growth.)

I’ve been sending my book manuscript out to agents lately. I wrote what I thought was a rippin’ hot pitch letter and included the juiciest bits of my writing samples.

I’ve had just four replies, all rejections.

Then, last night I was lying in bed watching “(Un)well,” a new TV show that explores all kinds of alternative therapies. The first show was about essential oils. And it struck me: they were explaining things that I already knew about, that I already “got,” there was nothing new here. But they were acting as if I’d never heard of oils before and was clueless about the whole exciting and dramatic industry!

I realized in that moment that my pitch letter has been falling on deaf ears. I’ve been acting like every potential agent already knows all about patterns, blocks, and personal growth. I’ve been approaching them like they’re insiders, long-timers. They’re not. Most of them have barely heard of Tony Robbins. They’re probably wondering what the hell I’m writing about.

The Flower That Grows Too High Is The First To Be Cut

There’s an old saying that the flower that grows too high in the field is the first to be cut.

In other words, don’t stick out.

Which is also saying, “Don’t be seen.”

Except that being seen is exactly what you’re striving for. Everything you offer to the world is something you’ve made, written, done, carved, studied for, put together, etc. You’re wanting an audience for it. You want clients for it — customers, admirers, readers, viewers, consumers. You want people to share it with.

You say you try to be seen all the time. “I write newsletters! I speak on stages! I get in front of the room to read my latest proposal to the team. I stick my hand up in meetings and I even have a gorgeous website to showcase myself on.”

But is that enough? Because at some point, you back down. You give up. You slink away and say, “I tried and they rejected. It always happens.”

And that is that. You grow no taller than the flowers around you. To go any further would be too risky. Something would be put on the line. The bigger flowers are right: you are not good enough.

Ooof. That hurts.

Outgrowing Your Relationship Is Normal

Yes, the downside to pursuing a life of personal growth is that you might outgrow your friends and family and zip right past them.

Seems like a weird thing to worry about, but worry about it we do. Because when it happens, it’s painful. It’s sad.

I’m not going to bother with the whole crabs in a bucket story because I’m sure you’ve heard it.

Your friends and family fit who you are right now. We’re all floating on the same level of awareness in our big bathtub of life. If we connect, then we’re generally at the same level.

However, you’re maybe not so content with this level. It’s got some icky parts. You’re tired of the negativity. Tired of the constant lack-thinking. Fed up with the family bullshit. Done with feeling stuck in work that leaves you totally exhausted yet unfulfilled when you come home.

Softness is strength

Softness is strength. But sometimes we forget.

Our world thrives on the critical. So much so, that when we’re real and soft with each other, it’s suspect.

Lies make all the good shows on TV. Think Preacher, Barry, Game of Thrones, Orange Is the New Black. All depend on lies to spin them forward.

Realness and vulnerability are so much harder to write, let alone act.

That means these are rare, and what’s rare is coveted. Which means you are coveted. Because you are not a lie. 

Take this moment to feel how real and soft you are. It’s a rare and divine commodity these days. Forget what they say about being hard and tough. Hard and tough is easy. It’s walled, shielded, and thick. Bricks are easy to come by. 

The truly strong let their softness walk through their front door, knowing the risk, and they still take it. And because you do that, you are truly strong.

Old rusty windmills and “Mom is always working!”

Every one of us Makers who’s growing a dream, building a business, or trying to see our project turn into something rewarding knows the feeling of hitting a “stop point.” I call it flatlining.

We do everything to push things along, then as our returns start sagging, we slow down and eventually slide to a full, disappointed stop.

This is your dream, your baby, your idea or talent starting and stopping like an old rusty windmill.

You use all your resources. You Flowdream. You look up strategies on websites. You get a little lost and take a stab at a few things until again you slide to a halt.

• You have an email list that’s half built.

• You have ideas for a website, but no site (or the one you made yourself 4 years ago).

• You have flyers for your sessions but they sit on your desk undistributed.

• You have names of prospects for your business but you have phone-phobia and no one ever gets a call from you.

• You attended two conferences and three online summits to learn how to monetize your make, but now you don’t have time to implement anything you learned. You never open your notebook that you wrote so excitedly in all those days.

Paper Flowers, Authentic Expression, and “Making”

Let’s Talk Making Each Day Count

I just spent the day in Old Town San Diego. It’s the historic spot of our town where the original settlers put up their houses along the El Camino Real trail. You get to eat truly excellent Mexican food and dress up in old-timey clothes for photos as you wander the old streets.

I haven’t been there in years since I was a kid. I remember pining for bouquets of those giant bright Mexican crepe paper flowers there … and my mom getting me weird-tasting sarsaparilla candy instead.

I looked around and thought about all these people making things and manifesting their authentic expression: Making art, making food, making music, making sales, making laughter, making memories.

Everything we do, all the time, is Making. Even when we’re binge-watching a Netflix show, we’re making ourselves relax.