I always see you loving yourself last

I always see you loving yourself last.

Why are you doing that? Loving yourself last, I mean. Who taught you that? It’s terrible. Stop doing it. Stop it so your own kids won’t learn that from you.

Oh someone told you that good people put themselves last? Do unto others before you do unto you?

You ever see those old Looney Tunes Chip and Dale cartoons?

The two chipmunks are so over-giving (“You first. No you first!”) that neither of them gets anything. They can’t receive. It’s a lose-lose. And we laugh at it since we get it so deeply somehow.

And forget that stuff about being a saintly martyr. You aren’t a martyr because you like it. You hate it. It boils your blood and makes you feel lonely and righteous. These are horrible feelings.

You put yourself last because you’re scared, baby. You’re scared that if you put yourself first, all those delicate relationships around you will get rocked. You think your family will suffer, your friends will call you braggy, and your boss will wonder why you’re no longer a team player.

You think that if you shine, and give yourself what you need first, you’ll be a selfish little pisspot like all those other selfish little pisspots you see and hate out there. Self-serving bitches. 

Except, you could never be that. You don’t ever need to fear that. 

Mining the dark

Mining the Dark

Some periods in your life are just . . . slow. Like ol’ Greek Sisyphus, rolling a rock up a hill over and over, it feels like all the work we do nets no results, no rewards.

It feels like you’re laboring in the dark, and the results of our efforts are totally inscrutable.

You wonder if there is a point. Or if you’re even on the right track at all.

*  *  *

Yesterday I had lunch with my mom. I told her she sounded tired. She is. She’s been fighting rats in her attic. Rats that led her to a rat company that rips off seniors and sells them huge rat-reduction packages, then does no work.

She’s tired of rats, tired of rat companies, tired of patching holes and arguing for her money back, and lunch seemed like a much better idea.

Our pricey fish plates arrived. Eh, so-so. Undercooked, cold, and dry.

“Happy birthday,” she says to me, “This is your birthday lunch.”

Sword of Damocles

Caution: This is a morbid yet strangely happy post. It’s a weird post for me. It’s for all of you who are fogged out in the stressed-out  “just getting by” zone, and for those of you who are just depressed as all hell. I have words about this. Read on.

I just got my second clear MRI. No cancer.

MRIs suck. It’s not the needle in your arm, the cold medicine injected up your veins, the tight white sterile tube you’re sucked in, or the grinding, deafening  sounds that rip through your body. That’s all fine.

It’s the wondering what they see. And that you have to wait. And that those pains I have might go unexplained, which is better than if they DO get explained . . . as cancer.

I rose up high in relief for an evening after my doctor emailed me that they saw nothing. Year 3. You got more time, Sum.

Flowdreaming Podcast 587 – 5 Profound Acts of Self-Love You Can Do Right Now

Why is love considered the highest emotion of the Universe? After all, we all say God Is Love. If this is true, then love is the #1 emotion we should be working for in life.

So today, I give you five things to do, right now, to increase your self love and happiness in the next few minutes.

Ready? Go listen to this episode #587: 5 Profound Acts of Self-Love You Can Do Right Now on Apple Podcasts/iTunesGoogle Play, Spotify, or at InFlowRadio.com.

Flowdreaming Podcast 586- Burning Down Illusions

Hey Johnny Cash, I got some news for you: When things burn in that Ring of Fire, it’s often the only time in your life when you crack yourself open to new understandings and ideas.

Normally, we’re holding on for life to ways of doing things that have got us to where we are, and so we never ask, “What’s really going on here? Is it me? How can I play this game differently?”

And that’s when the beauty happens. When things burn up, you wake up. Listen to my podcast Episode #586: Burning Down Illusions to discover how to shift the burn from the worst time to the best time in your life.