I used to think life was fair: If I played by the rules, bad stuff wouldn’t happen. Now I know that those rules are bunk.
I received an email this morning from someone that puts into words exactly how I used to feel:
She wrote: “We couldn’t afford much as we went through our layoff with our newborn and toddler in tow, but we managed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the end. For quite awhile there, our life was a chaotic storm. We couldn’t see anything but the nightmare around us…we didn’t understand…we were educated professionals who played by the rules…why is this happening to us?!”
I know that feeling so well. It’s pure disillusionment.
But when you get past this, you become free. Absolutely free.
We all have a set of rules that we play by. And we get really upset when other people break these rules, and seem to suffer no consequences.
(Have you ever wished someone you despise would get a broken leg, but they NEVER do, and worse, better and better things keep happening to them? If you have, you’ve got to keep reading.)
We also get bummed when we ourselves do everything right, and then one day we get completely dumped on.
I felt this way when I left my corporate job. It wasn’t fair that I was making the company multi-millions each year through our new division, and no one saw or cared about what I had given them, even when the numbers were staring them right in the face.
I felt this way, too, when I got cancer at 43. I eat organic foods, was vegetarian for 24 years, and I’ve probably swallowed more herbs and vitamins than most people will consume in a lifetime. So, cancer? Seriously?
It’s not fair.
However…thank God I’ve gotten over fairness!!!!
Hear me: Fairness can hamstring you and hold you back in ways you can’t imagine. Let’s turn this concept on its head.
Ready to go break a ceiling in your thinking?
I’ve got a much better strategy to play by!!!
Do you want to find out what it is???
It means getting a whole new paradigm for evaluating myself and the things that happen to me.
Flow is going to remind you again and again that control is an illusion.
Learning to manifest doesn’t mean that you’re learning how to be better at micro-managing your life.
Flow is going to remind you over and over that you can’t force life into your schedule, your timing, or your expectation of fairness. It’s thinking bigger than that.
Flow is going to remind you that you have an ally in life that will position you exactly where you need to be in each moment, and which has already given you your next step in each of those moments.
I’ve expected and demanded things that were inherently in conflict with what other people and places could give me. Being in a position like that is like being in an arm-wrestling contest with life. You’ll experience the constant pain and tension of trying to force your way.
And one of those ways is through demanding fairness, because it’s the way you impose your control onto the world.
This is where Flowdreaming comes in.
When you Flowdream, you begin talking to life very differently.
You learn to say things like, “I feel like [XYZ] in [XYZ] area of my life.”
“I feel tremendous reward and security in my career.”
“I feel peace and new connectedness with my family.”
“I feel release from guilt and that I deserve happiness in my relationship.”
Get the idea?
I call this feeling the emotional endpoints.
Instead of railroading your Flow to do what you think it should do when you think it should do it, you instead give your Flow emotional parameters to work within.
Think of it as steering the ship. You don’t control the ocean (which is life, other people, etc.) but you do guide yourself toward where you want to end up.
Understanding this has changed everything for me.
When I left my corporate job, my emotional endpoints were screaming: “I want to have more time with my kids and not be a 9 to 5 slave. I want to explore my personal potential. I want to feel rewarded and not restricted.”
Flow has given me all that”¦only not through the narrow means of the former job that I’d expected it to come through (which is what I thought, at the time, would be fair).
Now that I have cancer, my emotional endpoints are saying: “I want to experience growth even as I learn to give up control. I want even more time-freedom in my life. I want whatever I need to move to the next point in my personal success as a mother, wife, friend, and business owner.”
I completely trust that I’m receiving this. It’s just that it hasn’t come in the way I expected. But it has come.
I have to open my eyes and let go of my specific expectations of how I thought I should have been rewarded, and instead see how I am being rewarded.
Because I am. My emotional endpoints (through my Flowdreaming) are offering me enormous bounty right now. And now that I’m not thinking in terms of fair/not fair, I can actually see that bounty.
Whether cancer is “fair” or not is totally beside the point.
Now, think about something in your life that’s not fair. I know you have one! We all do.
Take a moment to ask: How can I get out of that the old paradigm of either/or (fair/unfair, in my control/out of my control) and get instead into a new paradigm?
I’d love to hear what you’re working on. Post it below.
Xox with love and Flow!
P.S. Two great playlists to begin learning this are: