I’m lying on the floor in a stranger’s house while the house’s owner plants crystals around the room, lights candles, and swishes the air with her arms.
There’re about nine of us lying like packed sardines on yoga mats in her small living room, covered in blankets. We are about to go on a shamanic meditation journey.
I have absolutely no idea what this means or even what we’re going to do next.
When my friend asked me to join her for the event, I said “sure” without thinking, and now here I am.
I’ve been smoked with burning sage, made awkward chitchat, and now we’ve settled down to business.
The leader is powerful gal, and I can tell she’s very comfortable with us as she settles in to guide the group. I decide I’m going to trust her.
Where are we going? I wonder. And, What are we even doing to get there?!
Turns out, we’re practicing a kind of meditation that encompasses rigorous, controlled breathing until we reach a euphoric state.
“Ok,” I think, “maybe I’ll just Flowdream a little while I breathe.”
I mean, it’s what I usually do during savasana (the meditation portion of yoga class) anyway. It’s my default, go-to, feel-good practice.
And what’s more, I’m good at it, so I get to feel productive and powerful and a tiny bit self-congratulating about my expertise.
Which is probably exactly why as I start the breathing meditation, I feel a booming command: “No Flowdreaming, Summer.”
What the heck?
I squeeze my eyes and try again.
I can’t do it.
Too much of my mind is on the breathing. There isn’t any left over for Flowdreaming.
And that’s when it clicks: I’m here to be a beginner, to learn something, and open myself to a brand new experience.
I’m not supposed to be good at it, and-get this-I’m not even supposed to try to figure it out.
I can shut up that mind of mine that always feels it’s going to have to teach or explain something.
I can just be.
As I slip into the meditation, I find that sure enough, I am getting to a unique state of euphoria. I’m experiencing a connection with the universe that is overwhelming my body, and for once I didn’t use Flowdreaming to get there.
I found a new modality that works for me!
As we wind up the practice, I’m already tumbling over myself trying to figure it out, put it into words, and master the experience by knowing what happened and how to describe it.
And again, I get that odd communication:
“Seriously Summer, chill out. Just have the experience. Stop needing to name and explain everything. You’re not in charge here. You don’t have to be the expert. Let someone else be the expert. You need get off your high horse to be the student right now.”
Eeeek!
I am so chastised. Practically embarrassed (even though this has all been in my own head and no one in the room has a clue that I’ve just been seriously put in my place!).
My intuition (or higher self, or Flow or whatever you want to call it ) is totally and completely right.
I’ve been so wrapped up lately in teaching and guiding my M.E School students that I’ve been forgetting to fill up my own well with experiences.
“Filling my well.”
That means allowing myself to be the novice, feel unprepared, and simply have some new experiences–ones I can’t yet categorize and summarize, that I have no “why” for.
They’re ones that need to seep into me, and trickle down into my being like groundwater.
I realize that because I’ve been so focused on being a solid, grounded dock for my students in ME School, I’ve gotten in the habit of needing to name and share and teach and be solidly direction-filled all the time.
If I keep that up without replenishing, I’m going to find my inner well dry.
For new things to form in me, I need to be like an “artist of spirit,” collecting bits and pieces of a huge variety ideas and experiences, and allowing them to come together into new revelations or leaps of thinking.
I have to continuously replenish my “inner soul studio” with stuff I can’t name, don’t know how to use, and don’t know how or where it fits me yet.
I’m sharing this with you because it’s easy to forget that we all need to just have experiences sometimes-experiences not connected to any specific purpose or end goal.
And we don’t need to name them, justify them, explain them, or know why we had them. (Doesn’t reading that feel good? You have permission now!)
They’re like rain on the dry soil of ourselves, refreshing us and ultimately filling that deep underground reservoir of flow that might someday percolate up in us into a brand new exciting direction or idea.
I wonder if you’re feeling the same way. I know it can’t just be me.
Do you have anything planned in your life that you have no “why” for? Meaning, no practical, goal driven reason for doing?
Are you filling your well, or continuously emptying it?
It occurs to me that if I continue to empty my well at the rate I have been, I’m going to turn into an insufferable, boring, dogmatic know-it-all.
I’m deeply grateful to my friend for her random text to me asking me to go with her, and for the new fantastic shamanic healer I met, and”¦well”¦for the big-ass knock-in-the-head I got from my guidance, just in time.
I make a promise to myself that I’m going to get out and do some really interesting stuff, and go find some good new teachers and guides, and just generally try things that I have no idea where they’ll lead-if anywhere.
This means I have more shamanic breathing meditation to learn”¦maybe some African dance”¦a Korean spa to visit”¦.and lots of stuff that is sure to puzzle and provoke me.
And”¦.I may even get a posse of friends to do them with me. Wanna come?
Post your thoughts/responses/agreement or disagreement below. I’d like to know if this resonates!
P.S. The M.E. School of Flow has SOLD OUT for yet a second time! And now, with two amazing waves of students journeying with me, I’m 99% certain I won’t be reopening the School to new students until 2016. I send love to all of you with whom I spoke during our recent registration period. And hopefully, will see some of you next Spring 2016.
In essence I shouldn’t leave behind what I have learned and add to what I have since learning Flowdreaming. OK I can do that!
Yes Summer!! This resonates very much! I’ve tried that shamanic meditation here locally & loved it. Glad you got to experience this too. Lately I have not had much me time due to a tremendous workload which is slowly dwindling down now- yay! This weekend I’m looking forward to going to the health & wellness expo locally ( psychic fair). Its on creativity which is what I’m working on & based around children so my inner child gets to come out & play!!
I am excited for you Summer! I often think of the huge range of emotions you choose to deal with, from a vast array of people, for so many years! You clearly handle it all , so clearly, directly, and honestly, through your guided flow dreams ,you know just what to say, the cadence and inflections in your voice speak to the Center. Your spontaneous letter is yet another beautiful example of your truthfulness shared. Thank you ! So awesome! Truly. May your young child , without expectation or words or thoughts, have yet another wonderful adventure! To answer your question -yes , I hope to see you there.
Your post definitely resonated with me. Being intuitive, I feel like I am somehow not supposed to need to learn from others, almost as if I do, it’s a weakness or takes credibility away from what I do. Isn’t that crazy? I realize that I have felt confident in my endeavors yet trying something really new makes me feel like I am in kindergarten, so at first it can feel uncomfortable. What I need to realize is that is OK. Newness can be exciting and rewarding, or not. But I won’t know until I try it. Thank you for your post. I would love to share your post on my blog. Is that possible? It has such a great message. THANK YOU!
Hello Summer, thank you. I understand. Since I started flow everything seems to be a ah ha moment. I think I may be getting it. It has been years of listening, reading and just searching. Chapter 2 and the vocabulary really helped. I am not a writer so its hard for me to express what I am experiencing (something I need to work out). Thank You
Thank you for your blog post. We all need course correction from time to time, and reminders that only from an open heart can we receive. If possible for you, flow into the idea that your inner flow is not necessarily chastising but more guidance or course correction. I think you might find deeper relaxation and possibly more insight in the process of getting guidance when not accompanied by even the tiniest bit of apprehension over being chastised. Again, that you shared this is refreshing and appreciated. There is a tendency to think that accomplished spiritualists have somehow left humanity and course correction behind..probably a holdover from our conditioning as children that parents knew EVERYTHING. I still remember the day I realized we are all sort of finding our own way or making it up as we go along, with regard to my parents who, like all of us were doing the best they can with the wisdom, knowledge and experience they have at the time. Thank you. <3
Great observations and a great article. I always like to feel like I am in control. The Shamanic experience reminds me of something that I used to do years ago where you breathe deeply continually and you go into a euphoric state. I saw some pretty cool things. One thing about this topic is that I love to learn. My areas of competence are so far away from this meditation/flowdreaming etc that it may make new experiences a little easier to embrace- IF I take the time to have them. Therein lies my issue.
I love this Summer! As a teacher, YOU are continually learning the newest and best practices to teach to your students. I can not tell you how grateful I am to be your M.E. student. I am beyond thrilled to be working with you! I adore you and your work! 🙂
The word “euphoria” will draw me in. I like trying different types of metaphysical methods to do inward adventures. My spiritual beliefs have evolved (and I’m sure still evolving) and that’s a good thing. This type of gathering is right up my alley.
I liked what you said. Just doing it for seemingly no rhyme or reason – sometimes is the best reason!
Totally enjoyed that post. I’ve forgotten what it is to just experience something just for the heck of it without rhyme or reason. Good for you!
yes, I see now my well is dry. Not from giving knowlege as you do, but from giving care, nurturing. I need to receive myself! Refill my well. I needed to hear this, thank you.
I enjoyed the post. Do really think the text you got from your friend was random? 🙂