It’s cold – as in air-conditioning cold – in the hotel conference room. I’m gathered with a bunch of other women at a self-development conference, and we’ve been picking apart our lives (in between shivering or baking) all weekend.
Many of the women are coaches. In fact, I’d say 80% are, which is why this weekend has been so difficult for us.
You know the old saying: “The emperor has no clothes”? It refers to a fairy tale in which an emperor is hoodwinked into believing that two tailors have made him the most handsome outfit in the world. However, if you’re stupid or ignorant, he’s told, you can’t see the clothes. Of course, this is all bullshit and the tailors made nothing. The emperor walks naked down the street in a procession, yet all his townsfolk except one honest child are afraid to say what they really see.
Today we use this phrase to mean that we sometimes portray things about ourselves to others that are deeply untrue, because we’ve hoodwinked our own selves into believing them. It means we can be hypocrites, that we’re false under our own words.
I find that coaches often carry this energy in their own Flow. It’s embarrassing. Here we are, leading people into knowledge and guiding them toward their desires, while our own desires are unfulfilled and we fail to follow our own advice.
Think: the plumber whose own pipes are always broken. The accountant whose own accounts are a mess. You get the idea.
The question is: Does this mean we’re truly illegitimate? Hypocritical? Are we sipping our own Kool Aid? Are we wearing no clothes?
This weekend, I saw inside a love coach who won’t let anyone get close to her. I saw a business coach whose accounts are always in the red. And I saw myself, supposedly in Flow, but actually carrying out an old drive for survival at any cost.
My reaction? I love everyone through it, even myself. I’m not a hypocrite, and neither are they.
If you think about it, every single one of us chooses a career based on our fascination with the subject. For instance, you choose to be a writer since you love writing, and you want your crummy writing to improve to where you sell a million books.
Maybe you choose to be a business coach because you’ve always struggled with money and self-worth, so you propel yourself to study it every day, and even teach others about it, so you can fix and grow it in yourself.
I got into Flowdreaming since I tend to want to control everything and everyone in my life. Control makes me feel safe. Manifesting and controlling the Universe felt like the Ultimate Control. Yet Flow continuously pushes me to let go instead. That’s why I know so much about Flow and manifesting now: I’ve had to live Flow’s lessons personally and deeply, every day, since it pushes my buttons. It pushes me into my walls, limitations, and fear, and that fascinates me. My work pushes me to break those, go past those, and find freedom, power, and release instead.
Likewise, the love coach is learning and surpassing the exact things her clients experience and need to surpass.
And the accountant knows the helplessness and fear of not having enough income.
The game-changer occurs when we grow through the challenges that fascinate us, because then we become the perfect leaders for others. It’s like I’m saying: “Check it out! I’m just a few miles ahead of you on this trail! I don’t know what’s coming next, but I can help you with where I’ve just been.”
This feeling is in stark contrast to feeling guilty or hypocritical. If you can’t lead someone through something, then tell them. Don’t fake a thing. You don’t need to.
The energy of hypocrisy diminishes and distorts your Flow and your future. It weakens you. Can you feel that? It creates secret doubt: “Am I good enough for my job?” “What will happen when they find out I’m not as good as they think I am?” “Will that man I’m dating leave me for someone better once he discovers my ‘bad’ parts?”
We call it insecurity, but what I see more often is more fundamental: We simply don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust that “I’m good enough.”
With Flowdreaming, you can practice feeling good enough. You can tell Flow: “Here’s what I’m getting good at. Help me.”
I’m always telling my Flow: “Help me release my need to control. Help me go beyond fear. Help me receive whatever I need next. Give me opportunities for pleasure, and balance. And if what I discover helps others, then that’s awesome!”
Listen up, love. You’re good enough. You can breathe. Relax. You’ve got this. Whatever you’ve chosen to do or learn or discover – it’s perfect. And the right people will know that, and follow you.
Tell me, do you ever feel hypocritical? Do you fear being “found out” that you’re just pretending? Do you think everyone can tell that you are, in fact, wearing no clothes? Post below and let’s air out this issue.
My true love to you all,
XO
P.S. A great Flowdreaming playlist to help conquer these feelings is called: Ultimate Self-Love & Self-Worth. Check it out.
Utterly brilliant
Summer! Hypocrite, schmicoprit! We can never get it done and we never get it wrong. Whatever the universe brings us: illness, bounced checks, extra weight. I say Thank You to all of it. It is only an opportunity to experience more deeply, experience more contrast, create more. There is NO JUDGEMENT, ever. Hypocrisy is a judgement. Leave it out. Thank you for sharing your work, your uplifting, your focus, your ideas. Love, Love, Love to you family and your work!
Hey Summer – I usually don’t take time to post however you’ve really hit home for me today. Yes, I too am a coach and sometimes its hard to feel effective and not just pretending or people aren’t just being nice, etc. I’d love to really reach a level of knowing that I’m making a difference – even if I don’t pull out every tool in my coaching tool box. Sometimes we might feel like it has to look elegant to get the job done when it might take a very subtle thing to bring about a transformation – we can’t always feel or sense that. You know what I mean? I’m totally looking forward to your new playlist and will be glad to report back to you. I wonder if this will work for my music performance too…
This is your best newsletter yet. It’s funny because I was thinking of the emperor wearing no clothes just a couple of days ago as stated in a friends interpretation. Inwardly for me it’s taking a look at how vulnerable I want to be followed by who in my life can I trust that much to be open and honest with. How far in and I willing to allow someone to see my flaws. I can paint a pretty picture and for the most part it’s genuine but there are a couple of places in my life I’m just not willing to expose. That’s what I need to work on.The fact that it’s in my thoughts I suppose means it’s time to take a deeper look. I don’t think it’s being hypocritical. If we reveal some truths about ourselves then we have to face the judgements of others, they won’t value what we have to offer no matter how great. As far as coaches there are so many people taking on that title but I’ve found they have a lot of inner work that needs to be done as well. Once you get to know them as friends you discover that certain aspects of their life isn’t as it would seem. I suppose we all have to start somewhere and learn along the way as we teach others. We all have flaws. I recall a thought I had when I was very young, that I needed to be a caretaker and help others solve their problems so they could be happy. I desired to heal others. I review that conversation as I review many of the choices I’ve made in life, the many times I went way above and beyond to help others the joy and regrets of it. I’ve done this for so long I’ve reached a point I feel completely drained in the journey of trying to not be so attached to the outcome. When others ask for help they don’t want the “child who speaks the truth”. They want a listener, a support system, not a look in the mirror to be told what one some level they are aware of already. No one wants you to see their flaws that much. Where is the happy medium where we can help yet let go. It’s been a struggle to push through the veil of this phase. It feels somewhat like exhaustion, hypocritical isn’t one of those feelings but I’ll open up to the idea of it just to make sure. I’ve discovered that some of my friends who call me when they need a lift or have a problem, don’t call when things are good with them. The present energy seems to be a time of discovery and quick manifestations. A great time to look within, where those things that are hidden are being revealed. A great time to hit the pause and reset button and during that time practicing extreme self care. I send you all much love during the discovery.
Summer, this was exactly what I needed to hear today. I was thinking, “My income is down. How can I teach my heart-centered clients how to maker more money in their business?” My guides told me in meditation that I need to work on a new homepage and focus on one of my programs with the time i have. So I asked for just a couple of new clients. One new one just called! I love your perspective and it is so accurate.
I feel like this every single freaking day. I completely agree that we teach what fascinates us and we need to learn ourselves. Doesn’t feel so great when in a competitive environment with more traditional thinkers and expectations of performance to be a certain way – which made your post so well timed for me today. Exactly what I needed to hear this morning. 🙂 Thank you, Summer, for expressing it and being visible.
Love this article! We are all somewhere on the journey – the goal is to support and help each other regardless of where we are. In every case, the teacher becomes the student and the student becomes the teacher along the way. One of my favorite guru’s Wayne Dyer mentioned that it was only with his last couple of books that he felt he had really been able to achieve much of what he helped others to achieve. Did that mean that all his previous work was bunk? NO! It helped him and many others to progress. One has to acknowledge and know what to achieve before he/she can master it. Knowing the goal is the beginning of one’s success and all the lessons one learns along the way we can share with others. Meanwhile a leader or teacher on the path can empathize, stay modest and grounded knowing we are all in the same boat and everyone has something valuable to contribute on the journey.
Summer, I love this article! This is EXACTLY what I have been feeling the last few weeks in my business. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing? Am I good enough? Thank you for, once again, hitting the nail on the head.
Thank you Summer. A wonderful article. Now I know why I am doing what I do and keep on doing it although it seems pointless at times. I am doing it because I must! Lots of love from the other side of the world. ❤️
Oh, Summer this hits me hard in the best possible way today! There are two aspects of my own control that I am hitting against recently that I must surrender to move to the next level. One has been be most favorite (and most destructive) coping mechanism, but I’ve been justifying it to myself because it is the healthiest (haha!) version of my favorite/worst coping mechanism. Letting go of it will impact other areas positively in the deepest way, but superficially it will make me APPEAR less of things I want to appear. Controlling others through my control of self, etc. The real question is, do those others matter? What I am really losing? The group illusion of the clothes? Who cares? I mean, obviously I still care or I wouldn’t be doing it, but you have inspired me to finally let it go. Scary, but good. Now to implement! Thank you for your honesty, as ever.
Profound writing. You break it down so well which, of course, puts you steps ahead of us struggling with moving forward. I respect anyone who’s been in the trenches and then offers leadership. When you speak of your own control issues, which is refreshingly transparent, I think it helps with learning to be “humble and kind” like Tim McGraw’s new song and beautiful video. I’ve witnessed that the most controlling people are the ones thinking they’ve set standards to live by and often squelch the beauty, the unique gifts, and spirits of others. Those unfettered souls are the ones we can learn the most from if we allow them into our experience. A friend of mine visited me yesterday with such sadness in her eyes. She has served the church on missionary trips, feeding the homeless, assisting the elderly, and numerous years of selfless service. She was just told that because she mentioned liking wine she can no longer be a Sunday school teacher. She sat there justifying their bylaws. And they wonder why their membership is declining! She’s the last person I’d want to control. Her spirit and love was squelched. We need more encouragers not controllers. You’re doing fine because you’re willing to change!