I found myself drifting into old habits this year. After two years being essentially “clean” from those demons fear and lack, those nasties found their way into my bed again.
This year, I launched a new company: inflowradio.com. I knew it’d be work. I knew I’d have to shift my focus and become a magician at keeping balance. But I fell off the tightrope.
The habit I broke during chemo (of going into fear and lack) was just waiting for a weak moment. It was waiting for my next big challenge.
Big challenges are where your old habits can find a grip again.
After all, you conquered them in your current state of being, but the minute you push out again into the scary waters of leveling up, then they find a slippery channel in.
I’m seeing so much turmoil in personal growth this year. I’m seeing so much turmoil in you all this year. Teachers and students alike – the tide has been going out, and stranding boats and psyches on the shore, mired in fear and lack.
I realize these are illusions. Fear and lack are illusions. They’re a lens that you start looking through, and habit keeps your eyes glued to it, and fears admonishes you not to turn away.
You must break the habit. I must break the habit.
And now, I realize something even greater-I have to re-break the habit at every level.
New habit = trust
New habit = peaceful surrender
New habit = faith in myself
New habit = remembering I can do anything
New habit = recognizing that the timeline is not mine to dictate, but the finish line is
XO,
P.S. ME School. Is it about time? If you don’t break your patterns and habits, they will run you and ruin you. Breaking them frees you. Come break them with me. ME School enrolls NOW. No procrastination. No fear. No lack. Book your call.
It’s so interesting you wrote all that. After a stressful year of teaching and my spirit crushed, I retired. I decided to do what I’ve always been interested in. I went to a local theater group and volunteered to be assistant director. Instead they gave me a part! I LOVE acting but am rusty. My nerves got the best of me plus I’ve been weaning off medicine over the summer. Well, I began letting the cast down because I couldn’t remember my lines and twisting words. I was beet red at every rehearsal so full of shame. So, two weeks ago I went to a doctor and psychologist. Went back on reduced medicine for a month only, AND the psych told me all that you wrote above. She advised I burn off excess adrenaline I was creating by climbing stairs or briskly walking right before rehearsing instead of obsessing over my mistakes. She encouraged me to resolve my nerves and face them while I was experiencing them, or I’d remain in a stuck place and always revert to fear. Then we talked of visualization and how i should watch my character on stage and “see” what she would do. May I add, through prayer and the advice from Joel Osteen’s new book, Next Level Thinking, we had a successful opening this weekend and I look forward to the play next weekend. I relaxed, enjoyed the performances and by going through it, I am now developing those very habits you speak of: Trust, Peaceful surrender, Faith in myself, Remembering I can do anything, and I’m on my way to the Finish Line, instead of retreating. The audience was happy and I’m encouraged to move forward! It IS very freeing to break old patterns. Summer, you started me on the path of taking care of myself and risk taking years ago. I listened to your CD meditations to make a move, which turned out to be good for me because I overcame lack. I think it’s wonderful you overcame cancer and are continuing to guide people! I highly recommend you.
Nancy, I’m so happy you are doing so well. And that you are acting and facing fears. That is marvelous!! Keep on truckin!