What I should be doing and what I am doing right now are totally different. Right now I’m sitting in an airport hotel in Los Angeles, alone in a huge suite, surfing Amazon for ceramic travel mugs, when I know what I should be doing is hobnobbing downstairs with some of the bigwigs I came here to learn from and hobnob with.
In fact, I’m going to walk outside my room right now, hang off the balcony and snap a pic, and show you just what I’m missing in fancy-hotel-bigwig land.
There, I did it. I’m sticking it at the top of this post.
And now I’m sitting down again and getting into the core of this lack thinking I’m in.
I’ve only realized what a state I’ve gotten myself in because it’s dawned on me that I’m still sitting on the couch in my high platform shoes and conference outfit (you know the look) and it’s been an hour since I came back to my suite. Apparently, some part of me thinks I’m still going back out to Hobnob and Make Great Deals and Connections. And this part of me is also screaming how I suck because I’m such a bad networker that I’d rather be in my room alone searching for travel mugs.
Isn’t this a familiar feeling? “What I should do” vs. “What I am doing.” And the well of guilt and insecurity that lies in between. The well of lack thinking that tells me … ”Oh Summer, if you’d just put on your big girl pants you wouldn’t miss this opportunity.”
I know we all have this going on inside us. The “what I should do” and “what I am doing” dialog, and how much we suck because we aren’t doing what we should do. We have a big long list of what we should be doing.
And this is when I hear myself in my own ears: “Be gentle with yourself, Summer.”
Be gentle with yourself.
It’s a phrase I use more regularly, more often. It means that while we know what our (high) expectations are for ourselves, we can afford to put Skinny Love on the radio, take off our platform shoes, and eat hotel snacks and drink wine when we should be Cultivating a Great Network instead.
Lack thinking will always push me to see what I don’t have, what I’m missing, what I’m doing wrong, what’s not good enough, and what might happen if I don’t “insert thing-you-should-do-here”.
And then the other force weighs on me: “You’re right where you need to be. Stay in this. Stay in your body. Listen to yourself. You aren’t desperate. You’re fine. In fact, you’re amazing. Be in Flow. Stop forcing the issue. Stop forcing yourself.”
And I guess that’s the part that wins tonight: I get to be gentle with myself. I get to trust that another few spins of the Earth will yield another set of good opportunities. This conference tonight isn’t the only fish in the lake, and I can afford to wait for the next.
I know we all suffer the same indecision, the same regret, the same “what if.” Some of us punish ourselves with this go-get-every-scrap insanity until we wear ourselves to a brittle nub. And others of us never venture out, never extend, never risk, and rub ourselves raw with regret and self-anger.
How do you find the gorgeous center? That’s where I want to be. Right there where I can chill out alone on a Monday night in an LA Airport hotel room, knowing that I’m in total balance — I mean, maybe tomorrow I’ll make that connection that’ll yield me my next Big Thing, or maybe I made that connection last week, or even last month. Flow is giving to me and guiding me, and being patient with me when I need to sit out an inning.
Being in a state of Flow means being in a state of trust.
It’s a learned skill. You have to cultivate it.
I’m trusting that I can afford to relax, that if Flow offers me something once, it’ll probably offer it again, because I don’t believe in a stingy God or a stingy universe. I believe in an abundant one.
On the other hand, lack thinking is like a loyal dog that walks with you everywhere you go, until you firmly tell it to “Stay.” Let’s not be afraid to tell it to stay, ok?
My shoes are now off, I’m eating popcorn from the snack bar and about to jump into a shower where I hope they have enough hot water heaters in this hotel to make it actually hot … oh snap, isn’t that another lack thought!? This shower’s going to be hot as hell.
Now tell me what lack thought, what insecurity has tripped you up recently so we can reposition YOU into an abundant universe. Don’t be stingy — go ahead and share!
P.S. The best Flowdreaming playlist to rid yourself of Lack Thinking is the “My Flowing, Easy Life Playlist.” Check it out.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]