I just had the roughest coaching session of my life.
It was so rough, I almost can’t write about it.
I chose to have a session with a person I’ve followed since 2007. I’m curious about their mind, their outlook, their business acumen and frankly the uncompromising life they lead. It was also my birthday gift to myself.
I totally got ripped a new one.
I get on the phone. They are 18 minutes late because they forgot they’d set the appointment with me the day before, after forgetting the previous appointment we had two days before that. That’s ok, I’m flexible.
They ask me very point blank questions, cringy questions, which I answer because I want to show up hard and real and all-in.
We start with, “How much money do you make?” they ask.
So I answer. I don’t really want to answer this question. I wonder why it’s one of the first questions. It’s never one of the first questions I ask people, and I almost never ask it at all.
“Does your husband work too? Tell me about your family,” they continue.
I tell.
“And what are you here for?”
I don’t really know. I just wanted to talk about our common space in the coaching world, some common things in our personal lives too because I like you, I think. I think you’ve done good stuff, built things your own way, carved a niche where it’s hard to carve.
To answer them, I share something about my son, and some struggles we’ve had.
And off to the races we go.
We’re not twenty minutes in and I’m told I need to parent first and I’m working my job only to please my own ego. Money is not important, this coach stresses. Only being present with my kids is important.
Well yes…and no, I think. I’m feeling confused.
Further, they tell me, I should stay at home and be a full-time mom. All this bullshit about building my company and spreading my Flowdreaming vision is all for me, to appease my own needs above my family’s. It’s wickedly selfish, or at best, seriously misguided. And, apparently, I’m that way because my mom was that way.
I tell her about my mom, the rough up-and-down childhood. No matter how many times I say, “Mom did her best. Yeah it was kind of messed up at times, but she was there for me when I needed her and we are close,” it’s not an acceptable answer.
“Your mom wasn’t present for you. Now your kids feel abandoned by you,” they say again.
“Don’t you see how everything is all about YOU?” they continue. “Your interests. Your needs. I don’t buy any of your ‘I spend my whole day helping other people bullshit,’” they say. “You work because you don’t want to be with your kids.”
That’s just not something you say to a mom, especially one you met only twenty minutes ago.
I’m now wondering about our commonalities. I’m questioning my own judgment, my trust in myself, for booking this.
“Well yeah,” I answer, “I don’t want to be glued to my kids’ sides 24/7. They go to school. What should I be doing while they’re at school?”
I’m also not built for the alternatives of either being fully financially dependent on a partner or being a struggling purposely unemployed single parent who’s scraping by.
And that’s the irony: the career I built has let me work from home and raise my kids these last fifteen years. I was able to juggle my schedule as I please to watch any kids’ sports game or go to dentist appointments and birthday parties. I also have non-working friends who’re very happy as professional moms, and frankly they’re great at it (and they have the financial security to be able to do that).
But me? I like my work. I also have kids to launch into their adult lives. I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive.
I do a reality check and ask, “You think I should stop working?”
“That’s what you have a husband for,” they answer, “and you’ve totally disempowered him.”
“But I honestly think running my own business has been good for my family.”
“You think that because you’re autistic,” they continue. “And because you’re on the spectrum, you can’t see how un-present you’ve been for your family. I can’t believe you’ve followed my work all this time and learned nothing. You’ve learned absolutely nothing.” She says this several times for emphasis.
This is getting weirder and weirder.
I think about how I can be hyper-focused and occasionally lose track that the sun has gone down and the dog and kids haven’t been fed yet. Maybe I have some form of undiagnosed ADHD. I dunno. Nobody talked about that with women in the 1970s and 80s.
I may or may not be neurodiverse, but if so my goal would be to capitalize on my uniqueness and use it in the interests of my family and clients. I mean, I’m open to the idea. I could use another superpower. But a 20-minute phone call “diagnosis” from a non-doctor seems…sketch.
“Hold on,” I say. “You don’t know that about me. And besides, even if I am neurodiverse, I champion uniqueness, individuality, and diversity. I celebrate it. That distinctiveness is our personal magic.”
“Bullshit,” they intone. “You don’t appreciate diversity, or your kids would feel loved and the center of your attention, and they don’t. That’s your problem. You can’t even see your own behavior, and now your ignorance and refusal to see it is hurting your whole family.”
A few moments of heavy heartbeats go by as I realize that the only answer I can give the coach that isn’t met with aggression is: “Umm, sure ok.”
So I do “umm ok’s” for about ten minutes as they tell me what I’m not seeing about myself and my family, how I’m damaging them all, and how self-blind, boring, and uncooperative I am.
Finally I tell the coach outright that I’m feeling defensive, because I can’t answer anything without being called out as being even more deficiently defensive.
What I want to say is, “You are the one who can’t listen for one goshdarn minute and maybe be wrong. Slow down. Read into what I’m saying. Stop cornering me into an answer you want to hear and shaming me for not agreeing with you. I think you’re bringing your own bias into this.”
Friends, this is not how a coaching session should go. It is rapidly spiraling. This is so balls-off-the-wall that it’s ridiculous. Every other sentence revolves around my being unseeing, stonewalling, controlling, and unable to communicate or answer like a normal person until I’m reduced to “Okay” because nothing else is the appropriate answer.
The only answer for this coach is “You’re right.” Anything else is garbage.
“You’re like talking to a brick wall,” they reiterate more than once.
As are you, my friend.
It is a stalemate. My head spins with how to pull this session out of the dumpster fire it has become. I breathe and try to stay open. As a coach, I’ve been with clients who don’t really want to hear a word I say. Hearing truths is hard. I get that. So I decide to double down. I will make it through this appointment. I will hear what they say, even if I feel, well, attacked.
But then we go right back to how badly I’ve stigmatized my kids, how I don’t understand neurodiversity (because everything I’ve uttered so far is insensitive and wrong), am very boring, have zero-self-awareness, should not work, am not present, and pick myself over my family again and again because I’m just not a self-aware mom or person.
Here we go again.
Then the bomb: “Your kids can’t even tell you how bad you are because a study has shown that even kids who grew up in meth labs say their parents are great. Kids do that. They have to. They’ll lose their minds otherwise because they need to feel loved at any cost. Your kids won’t tell you how much you’re actually neglecting them and your family. You’re a fricking wall. If you were in a room full of people, you’d be the one person nobody would want to be friends with. You can’t even see how you actually are. Even I don’t enjoy talking to you.”
This is the moment we are silent.
Then they say, “You want to talk about something else? Because this isn’t going anywhere.”
“You’re right,” I answer. “Nope, I’m good. I’m gonna settle in on this. Roll it around in my head for a while. Let it sink into the crevices.”
We end the call early.
I go to the kitchen where my daughter is making a salad.
“Hey hon, can I ask you a question?”
She gives me that 20-year-old-daughter side-eye.
“Was I present for you as a mom? Do you feel I’m there for you? Do you feel I’ve neglected you and your needs in pursuit of my own?”
Friends, let me tell you how this girl takes after me. First she looks at me like, “Have you been smoking meth?” Then, she immediately wants to know which so-called coach told me all this. She wants to leave a negative Yelp review.
Finally she answers in a huff of disgust. “Yes, you are there for me. If anything,” she says, “YOU ARE TOO MUCH IN MY BUSINESS. Like you need to learn to let me be.”
I guess I’ve been present.
I remind her that a good coaching client (me in this case) has to follow up on coaching advice that may or may not be accurate. Because if you have a big trigger reaction to them, then maybe there’s seriously good stuff there. And I had a real big trigger reaction to hearing that I’m a fuck up.
“They totally gaslit you, mom,” my daughter sighs.
This generation has a refreshing perspective.
I explain the bit about the meth lab, that according the the coach, she’d say that because as a child she’s been conditioned for parental love at any cost and she can’t tell me otherwise (fear of loss etc.).
My daughter says, “They told you that you can’t be right no matter what. Backed up by supposed science. And they told you I had no agency whatsoever. So my actual feelings mean nothing, your feelings mean nothing. That’s gaslit. That’s the definition of gaslit.”
Well, my 20-year-old-prodigy, thank you, it did feel very much like gaslighting.
“You think they’re projecting?” I ask carefully.
“They’re just mad you’ve done better than them. How long did you talk?”
’“Forty minutes.”
“And they told you that I don’t think you’re there for me and I can’t think for myself?”
Um yep.
She rolls her eyes. “You are so gaslit. Did you actually pay them.”
I did.
And as I reflect, I realize more and more that when you talk to a coach, or a therapist, that yes they can say hard truths. They want you to peel back things you can’t see yourself. That’s why you’ve come to them—to help you discover a path forward into healing, wholeness, and success. We also all need a reality check every so often.
But a good coach, heck even a good friend, also needs to listen to you. Feel into you.
I was so shaken up that I checked in not just my daughter, but both my son and husband too after the call. I asked, “Are you unhappy with our lives? Do you feel I’m not there when you need me? Do you understand why I work so hard for you? Do you feel I’ve stigmatized you with labels?”
We actually had a nice long talk ending with big hugs. Yes, we aired some grievances, but both kids also asked me precisely for this coach’s name so they could down-Yelp them because they were so angry on my behalf, which was not at all what I was expecting. (I don’t mention that high-end coaches are not going to be listed on Yelp.)
My kids ended up protecting me. And here, I was worried I’d been negligent in protecting them.
Coach, thank you for the fascinating call. My kids and I actually grew closer. It opened a good exchange, and some more love.
And yes, I know that this so-called coach would be rolling their eyes right now, saying, “But see it’s still all about YOU coming out ahead. All for you. ‘You’re right, the coach was wrong.’ You’re even blabbing it here, in a blog for god sakes.”
But that’s precisely what gas-lighting is: Someone telling you that you can’t come out ahead. Everything you do (defend yourself or…don’t defend yourself) is proof of how crummy you are.
As they say, I just got rolled. And I paid money for it.
I was almost believing this person’s blanket assessment of me. And that fast assessment made me feel like a shit loser mom who should quit her job because I’m selfish, rejecting my own diversity, unfun to even talk to, and neglecting my family since I only think about my own navel all day long.
Thank god I have two amazing kids to fact-check me.
Sorry, toxic coaching, I’m out.
WAIT!!! THERE ARE SOME GOOD TAKEAWAYS YOU SHOULD HEAR:
- There is a difference between blunt words and tough love versus gaslighting and abuse. It’s important to recognize the fine but very discernable line. Tough love comes from concern, empathy, and knowing that someone really needs to see or hear something. It doesn’t involve backing someone into a corner and poking them with a verbal stick of insults until they whimper in agreement with you. If seeing the difference isn’t second nature to you, then the next time you walk away from a supposedly healthy situation feeling really upset, misunderstood, and confused…smell for gas.
- When being coached, even if you don’t like what you’re hearing, still stop and do a check-in. In my case, I checked with my whole family and repeated almost the whole conversation. I asked, do you agree with their assessment? Do you feel this way? Is there something I can do better? What I was looking for was a) to see if there was even a kernel of truth in what I’d just been told, and b) if there wasn’t, what was the other real reason for this experience? Because there is always something to be gleaned from any experience, as life tends to give you what you need.
- As a coach and intuitive, I need to be vigilant about not telling people “who I think they are” and then forcing them to agree with me. Sometimes I see a lot about someone—a whole lot— but my job is to tempt that person to want to discover more about themselves. Discoveries and revelations should feel euphoric, joyful, or even at times like a dam breaking as a rush of healing new information comes in. My personal need to “be right” about someone should never enter the picture. It’s not about my needs. It’s about theirs.
Thoughts on this all, my friends? I bet you have something to say. I’d love to hear your perspective. Have you ever had a toxic coach? Have you been gaslit? Do you have a misunderstood superpower? Would you have handled this differently? I want to know. Please leave a comment below!
Hiya
I reckon you probably knew what you said above the minute the coach started talking! What the heyl? Not sure they’re in the right job tbh! x
I’m shocked at the bullying this so-called “coach” dumped on you. This “coach” seemed to take pleasure in this abuse. It’s most likely jealousy and an dark soul. This “coach” gets paid to dump their darkness onto people. Must be a nice gig for them. This session was very productive for you and for us to share your experience. It’s a lesson on how NOT to be, and always come from a place of love. It also reinforced the love your family has for you. I have one question: if according to this coach, you’re selfish in having your career and it takes away from your family, what about this “coach”? They’re working and having their career. Doesn’t THAT take away from their loved ones? Aren’t they also “supposedly” selfish by having their career? Like your mom said on one of her shows, “These gurus in real life do not live what they preach”. Listen to your mom, she’s a wise woman who teaches from her heart and soul.
Thank you all for your outpouring of sympathy and ideas! As you can see, I chose to take a completely different lesson from the “session” than the “coach” had intended. And, you’re all correct — this wasn’t coaching at all, but it was as stellar reminder that gaslighting continues to happen and that not everyone whose name is lit up in lights is deserving of such praise.
My love to all of you! Hugs, Summer
I would have shut that coach down after 5 minutes. It sounds like it was quite a verbally abusive session. If this happens with another, I hope you shut it down immediately due to lack of respect and demand a refund. My 2 cents. I would love to know who it was so I never book them.
While reading your post, I was thinking the same things your daughter was saying! She clearly has a good head on her shoulders.
This blog post is bringing up all the feels. It’s maddening on so many levels. It reminds me of people who have been in positions of power or authority who have a tendency to gaslight, insult, abuse… and that’s upsetting.
It also highlights how, just because someone is widely known, popular, wealthy, or charges high fees, it doesn’t mean they really are any good at their job. I see this so often and it’s really frustrating.
That being said, as frustrating as it is, it’s also very freeing. I have a lot of coaching and mental health training. I volunteer as a coach for a non-profit organization because I’m too chicken to charge for my services. I’m constantly second-guessing whether I’m doing a good enough job, even though the results my clients get are excellent. If nothing else, they feel heard, seen, and respected, which is more than can be said for the session you just wrote about.
I think there are a lot of us who, in knowing that we’re not perfect and never will be, hold back from charging money for our talents and skills. It’s important to remember that some very highly paid people have zero self-awareness and really suck at their jobs… so if we know we’re even remotely good, and are always working on getting better, asking for feedback, learning from our mistakes… then we need to start going for it a little harder. It’s almost a case of owing it to the world.
Another reason I think it’s great that you shared this is because I bet a lot of clients of bad coaches have paid their high fees and taken that abuse to heart. If someone that successful says they’re a selfish loser, then surely it must be true. While it’s important to check the facts and not immediately reject criticism just because it’s uncomfortable, we have to also remember that one person’s opinion is just that: an opinion. In 20 minutes with also trying to diagnose you with autism (which I’m assuming they don’t have the qualifications to diagnose), it sounds like quite an uneducated opinion at that.
Thanks for all you do, Summer!!
So sorry to hear this Summer. Yes you were with a narcissist by the sounds of things. I had a similar experience with a friend the other day who I havent spoken to properly for about a year as I noticed over the years I would get bulldozed by her, especially when I had something good to share. She kills my joy and the projection and gaslighting is awful. I imagine you were like me and felt just terrible both during and after the experience. I stood up to her as I have done in the past, but its exhausting and not how friendship should be. I felt sad that I tried again to see her and yet nothing (of course) had changed. She will always be right, I will always be wrong (no matter what I say), and the projection was glaring. Hard to believe people are out there operating like this in the coaching space and I assume they charged you big money for the privilege. Really shocking! Definitely gaslighting. I really feel bad for others who are being abused also by this person. I have no idea how anyone could consider themselves a coach and behave in this way. I too believe we take the lessons we need from painful experiences and so happy it brought you even closer with your family and allowed you to feel their support. Wonderful to have a daughter who saw it instantly and called them out. Please dont take on board anymore what she said to you. She was probably jealous of your brilliant bright energy and had to shoot you down… Happy you have a loving family to support you. You must have done a great job as a mum and partner!!! Big hugs to you xx
Summer- 😯 WoW- First I applaud you for seeking out a coach for another perspective, but I am shocked at the blunt treatment this “coach” displayed. Maybe you were drawn to her work because she is the opposite of you and now you know that you did not resonate with her at all. Just like finding a therapist or health care professional of any kind that we mesh with- here is another case that we keep looking for the right “coach” fit. One that supports you, understands you, challenges you and helps you grow to your potential. A coach is there to help you see things you are unaware of and is there to empower you – not enable you- but certainly not project on you are make you feel worse about the situation that you are seeking guidance about. You are an inspiration and are doing amazing work – so keep it up 🤩 it sounds like you are a great Mom and you have confirmation.
I’m astonished and sputtering. I’m so sorry you lost someone that you respected and admired to this attack. The one thing that occurred to me after reading this was: To be a good parent you must do a number of things for your children. One of them is to show them how to be happy. This can only be taught thru example. You managed to show them how to be happy with your business without giving up any of their events or special days. That’s amazing!!!!
“One of them is to show them how to be happy. This can only be taught thru example.”
So well said!
Hey Summer
When I first started reading it, I thought about Inner Bonding. Dr Margaret Paul was a guest on YOM and a divorced mom called in crying and spoke of her son and her feelings and the response was kinda weird to me, not caring too much about the woman’s feelings but more leaning towards stuff like what this coach told you, like all that mattered was her son’s happiness. That put me off. Overall she didnt appeal to me.
As I read more, I felt like this coach didnt like you, didnt want you seeing yourself in the same light as her. She wants to feel and be above you, so she doesnt appreciate the level you are at yet coming to her for coaching advice.
I was thinking unless you were a completely different person with her on that call, i cant imagine someone being in a room with you and not like you. I am only ever bothered when you curse, because cursing for me is “angry”, not loving and peaceful. But otherwise I love you and your energy. I love listening to you and your flow dreams. You are funny and make me laugh and feel happy. I even feel God more when I listen to your work.
In the past my husband made remarks about me depending on him. He didnt like me doing so. So your coach was wrong about your husband being disempowered.
You are doing work that helps others, you helped me. So it isnt all about YOU. We all make sacrifices where children are concerned. My youngest son spends a lot of time in his room on his electronic devices with friends. What am i to do, go smother him all the time? Children like space as teenagers. You are even still married all these years. I love you. The coach came across as having a grudge towards you.
I would have hung upon her and disputed payment.
Abuse is not coaching. She sounds like an angry and jealous person. The work you do is wonderful and magical. Stay your beautiful self. 💕
I hAve so many words. I’ll boil it down though.
Kudos to your daughter!
Since when is judgement called coaching?
I hope to hell you stopped following this destructive person. Gads.
But really, on the whole – how did it make you feel? piece. Negative emotions are warning bells that something just ain’t right. You knew it wasn’t.
This situation you created with this coach can be such a contribution and invititation to be more of you in all your power and potency. How wonderful and inspiring especially with such an amazing dessert (the conversations with your partner and kids). You’ve raised some amazing beings! So much to be grateful for and happy wonderful birthday to you!
Well…that was certainly a lesson in “How Not To Be A Good Coach”. I paid a high price for coaching back in 2006 through a famous person’s coaching program. It was so detailed prior to starting, with the personality questionnaire, my goals, what I wanted out of it, etc. before we even started the program. Like, a week of that first. It was the best thing I ever did and it changed my life. I still use the things I learned in that program to this day and wouldn’t have achieved ANY of the success I have now, if I hadn’t done it. I borrowed the money from a good friend who let me pay them back over time, because I couldn’t afford it. I can’t imagine, if I had been treated that way, what would have happened to me and to my life at that time when I was looking for help. People come to coaching because they need help and are bravely trying to change their lives for the better. How dare this person call themselves a coach.
Hello Summer,
I have been following you on and off for about 10 years, and have just loved and soaked up all your love, enthusiasm, honesty, and light you bring to this world. This person was dead wrong and your children were correct. Whether or not there are tidbits of truth mixed in with her abuse, her approach was bonkers. I am so sorry this happened to you, but your strength, resiliency, and integrity allowed you to use it to learn and grow and have the bravery to share it with us. Thank you for that. Thank you for all your examples of bravery and generosity of sharing your gifts and wisdom. Your children are blessed to have you as their mother. Sending lots of love ❤️💖💕
Oh my Summer. Sounds like the person certainly had their opinion about you (not channeled, unbiased info, but seeing you through their lenses and filters…which seem pretty darned cloudy.) Reading this made me want to rush to your defense! Yet the results sound beautiful…closeness and open communication with your kids, doing a little self check-in, and being aware of how you interact with your clients (which I can’t imagine is ever like the gaslighter….even if you had clients who were fighting whatever you were sharing with them.)
Thank you for sharing this. I’ll keep it in my consciousness in my own practice.
I appreciate you sharing things with all of us so openly and from the heart.
~Charli
Wow – Yeah Summer that was awful! This ‘coach’ telling you awful things about yourself even when she does not know you. I was triggered reading it. I would have felt like – that’s totally not right and this person has their own emotional problems. You know your intentions are good and you’re doing the best you can. Anyway a bad session like that shows you what not to do to others is the way I would look at it. Your daughter is right on – gaslighting. The best thing to do in that case is to end the call early and not pay. This would’ve been an experience that would make me stronger.
Lisa
I’m so sorry this happened to you. This person can’t handle your light and what a gift you are in the world. Your so brave to write and share about it. I can’t believe this person is a coach. It sounds like she is a fraud. Maybe the experience is to show you how much you are needed in this world and what you do makes SUCH a big difference in people’s lives. You give people the best and you really care. All coaches are not created equal. You offer and give so much. Sending hugs and lots of love.
Who the hell is this woman? What is her name? Coaches are not supposed to do this! She assumed a lot, and it was verbal abuse! Who the hell is she to tell you to stay at home and be a full time mom? That is not for everyone! Sometimes, it is better for your kids if you have a job! My father always said that about his mother (my grandmother). Sometimes, it is better for you kids if you get divorced (we wanted my father to leave my mother, as she was extremely abusive). Aren’t coaches supposed to help you find your power and show you the tools to inspire you to change your life? Who is this horrible woman? The first thing that came to me as I was reading this is that she finds you to be a threat. Obviously, she has been following your work as well. To attack you, and shame you into thinking you need to disfranchise yourself, that speaks volumes! Does she have children? If she doesn’t, could she be jealous that she was not able to have a career and family? Don’t coaches have ethics they need to follow? I would think, “first, do no harm,” would not just be limited to healthcare professionals. She probably charges an arm and a leg, and basically ripped you off on so many levels. Yes, I am outraged. During the first session, do coaches immediatley tell you to make drastic decisions that will alter your life in ways they cannot predict? Unless it was a life or death situation, there are expections. Does this person know that people just don’t walk away from careers over night? I know there are exceptions to the rules, but still… and then the verbal abuse … sorry, there is NEVER a justifiable excuse for that. Unless you are the Queen mother of all buttholes, but then, that would be your coach.
I just read all the comments and I am in love with every one of your followers! They are such deeply loving and wise people! Thank you all!!
This coach sounds like a real ahole
This coach sounds like a real asshole
There are so many bad coaches out there, this is so shocking. I can’t help but feel that this coach was also feeling competitive with you Summer!
It’s quite sad, they had this incredible opportunity to work with an angel fairy like you and they couldn’t handle it maybe. I love you Summer and I recommend your Dazzling Self Love flow dream to many of my friends and clients. You have something special to give the world, so it must have been so shocking to you, what this coach was doing to you. Unfortunately there are a lot of coaches out there like this. I paid a”business coach” this year to rip me off too and who ended up just wasting my time, money and then stealing my ideas on top of it! Lol! 😘
OMG I’m sorry it was not only a waste, but that your ideas were stolen, too. I’m curious if this coach had a good reputation in your circles, or if you knew anyone who had personally worked with them. How do we avoid wasting our money on ineffective or even harmful coaches?
What everyone else said. Truly cringe worthy. Unthinkable. I was triggered reading the post, as we’ve all been gaslit and abused at one time or another. I’m grateful to have had your brand of coaching which is loving and supportive, softly guiding and always positive. ❤️
Damn, Summer! I wouldn’t have given her 40 minutes! I’m sorry this happened to you. But thank you for sharing this. You have so much grace, courage, and vulnerability and this post reminds me why I’ve followed you for 15 years. Thank you!
Oh my gosh, based on your interaction, this so called coach sounds dangerous. While I agree that it’s important to hear hard truths, this coach wasn’t offering them…they were bullying and, as your kids said, gaslighting. This coach was coming from their negative ego and should not be advising or coaching people in any way. They need a therapist and some hard truths.
Dearest Summer, I do not feel you deserved that treatment from that so-called coach. To be honest, I have wanted to book a session with you, but I have been tight on funds for awhile. To be totally honest, I have followed you and your mom Venus on podcasts and radio shows since the early 2000’s. I recently had a session with your mom when I had my last temporary job about 4 years ago. For your toxic coach, please don’t choose them again. You’ve and your mom’s gifts have helped me so tremendously through my life’s journey, that I consider you two both friends in my head. Personally, as your friend, reading your post about how the coach spoke to you, made me want to Slap Them to the Middle of Next Week. It is NEVER a “WIN”, to dress someone down, or try to tell them about themselves in that manner. I believe that when you cultivate your life on this earth as a teacher, or you are lucky and gifted to lead people in this lifetime, you take up the mantle to LEAD….period. That energy is never good. Sometimes, our roads in life are not a straight line, and sometimes, you meet people who Jam up your flow, if you know what I mean. Leave them where they stand. I have the utmost respect for you, love you and Venus’s emails, (they keep me going), and Please keep going. You are gifted, loved and appreciated. Thank You.
Summer, what she said was all about her, not about you. I don’t recognize you in anything she said! I remember you once talked in your 2019 Empath training about letting things go because it would hold you back from all that the good you wanted to do with your life (and seemed to feel a responsibility to do). Please do that here!
I started listening to your CDs in 2008 and I 100% know that my career improved because of your work. Since then I’ve attending your Empath training and M.E. School. I had an ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ moment when I imagined not finding your work – if you had always just focused on your family. My life would be less without what you do outside of raising your family.
Many, many thanks for all your do!
She or he sounds like someone who was gaslit themselves by one of the far right groups that seem to feel dependent on keeping people in gender roles whether they fit or not. The kind that glorify the past and fear the future so are trying to drag both the present and the future back to the dysfunctional past where people didn’t have to work on themselves to break down prejudices and misconceptions that hurt and marginalize others. I would think people pursuing a spiritual quest would be more open minded, but many have slid into that anti-progressive mindset. Sounds like someone who actually listened to and believed Rush Limbaugh, a man who called women working towards equal rights “feminazis,” as if wanting to be equal meant wanting to seize all power and control. What a nut.
Thank you for sharing that very raw experience. I really appreciate your honesty. always.
Interesting to note, you mentioned that you had been following this “coach/healer” since 2007. Following someone that long indicates you had admiration for this person correct? It probably felt like an honour to treat yourself to their session?. What is interesting to me is you read peoples energy like a book , you see it, you feel it etc. Why didn’t you see their’s and what their intent was? Do you think you may have sort of placed them in a guru kind of status, mentally? and ignored all signs? or that experience was just meant to happen and you are aware enough to learn and teach from it? That is something else that is really important to note. Always be open to learning but never place anyone above yourself , your knowing, your intuition. Can you imagine how many poor souls encounter and believe and trust what people like that say to them?
best,
Amy
I’ve met some of my former personal heroes and been really hurt and disappointed in who they are in real life. I don’t think this is on Summer for not picking up on negative energy through books and the internet. People very carefully curate their business reputations. Also, it sounds like a case of picking up on the creepy vibes from the start, but that those vibes were so incongruent with what Summer believed based on their curated reputation, that she wanted to give the benefit of the doubt. Being open to feedback and questioning ourselves is really valuable… but it can also bite us in the butt. Gaslighting is really effective that way.
I’m flabbergasted about your coaching call. Your life is about you since it is your life. The proof is focusing on your needs empowered you to be present as a mom/wife/dog parent. Thank you for sharing your experience. We are here to bring the best of us out and hear the tough news but with tact and kindness. Belittling someone will not inspire them to be better. Sending you love and light.
Keep kicking a$$.
I just want to tell you how awesome I think you. After reading about your gaslighting session, the only thing that I can picture is Summer excited to give herself a birthday treat, something that she doesn’t do often; and go from excitement and anticipation to being huddled in corner with her arms covering her face, waiting for the next blow!!
I’m so sorry this person did this to you, but the bright side of the event is you are able to see the beautiful person you really are, and your family is behind you 100 percent!
I feel there are so many parallels with our lives, and I wanted to be a more “normal” mom than the one I had. The other day, my 11 year old tells me, “Mom, I love how you’re weird to my friends!” I have done my job!
I am currently on a journey to begin writing a chapter in a collaborative book with 15-20 other authors. This will take time away from being a mom, however, it will also show my boys that I am more than just a mom, which is priceless to them!!
Keep up everything you are doing and I enjoy EVERYTHING you do, since the time you were with Dr. Dyer, you are my steady through countless struggles in my life.
❤️April
“gaslighting session”
That’s exactly what it was! Not a coaching session, a pre-paid gaslighting session. This coach might be of better service to the world if they wore leather, carried a whip, and was up-front about the abuse the client is paying for!
Summer, whaaat ??? an insane scam experience. I am with your kids ! I want to write a down yelp as well. you are just about as amazing and opposite of what she said. thanks for sharing to prevent toxic coaching !!!
You are the best !! k
I seriously cannot believe that they did that to you.. it goes against the whole ethos of coaching, well, in my eyes anyway! It’s about listening , holding space and reflecting back to the client, not annihilating them and forcing them into a corner that they actually don’t belong in. I am so sorry you have had that experience but so pleased you have the support you need around you to realise the truth. Thank you for sharing as it’s made me very aware of “what not to do” as a coach- not that I would even contemplate doing what this so called high end coach has done. They should be ashamed of themselves x
Summer that sounds incredibly abusive and I wouldn’t call any of that coaching. I am so sorry to went through that!
You are amazing!
Take good care of you and go and have as much fun as you can and celebrate the amazinging entrepreneur and mum you are.
Don’t let any of her horrific words make you feel like you want to succumb to doubt.
You are so loved and highly respected and admired. Keep going! Love Tess 💝👑💝
Dearest Summer! I only JUST finished reading and I am gobsmacked by what the alleged coach said and how they behaved. I am sure on reflection I will have more to say, but for now, I wanna say how great it was you grubbed around in the diatribe/garbage and actually found your own gold (that I believe you brought with you to the session)!!! There’s a Winston Churchill quote “IF you find yourself in hell, keep walking”…. (actually what I say is The only way out is THROUGH!) then, I tell myself– If I HAVE to go through this, I am going to MINE this experience for every bit of GOLD I can get out of it! And you have done exactly that! My heart is heavy with the heinous ridiculousness you went through, AND I am so wowed by your dedication and love for yourself and others. I am also reminded of a Buddha quote lovingly written into a gift calendar by my most magical friend –put no head above your own.
SO MUCH LOVE to you, Summer!
— Edith
I know you can’t post this person’s name, but I am praying to the universe that I never come into contact with them. I would just like to say that I have been through M.E. School twice. I had coaches that were absolutely wonderful. They listened to me, they listened to what I thought were my obstacles, and they suggested techniques to overcome my obstacles, but I always felt supported and that the growth was my choice. I, personally, would have hung up on this coach and cut my losses. You do a lot of good for the world, so please don’t let this get you down.
Summer, I am appalled by what this person flung at you. Seriously you put yourself througb unnecessary flack. I would have ended the call within a few minutes! How can a professional coach speak to you like that? You may have learned something, but your family has stepped in protectively to squash any idea of neglect etc. Everything you have ever revealed about your personal life has spoken of love, support and respect.
I’ve followed you since 2006 when you were with Hayhouse! I love what you write and your flowdreams and podcasts. You are an awesome, warm, generous and inspirational woman.
Love from Cape Town, Jennie
What an awful experience! Holy crap it sounds like the “coach” has a lot of issues that she attempted to project onto you! I am sorry that you experienced this! Good for you for taking with your children and husband afterwards about it. And good for you for not accepting her reality as your own! Happy belated birthday! May you keep shining bright and continue creating what you love!
Wow! Just wow! Reading this blog was surreal! I kept thinking that the coach thought she was talking to a different person—she mixed up her clients.
I’m sure this was kind of hard to share. But you are inspirational how you built a wonderful career while putting your family first, Summer! Jealousy does weird things to people, doesn’t it?
Thank you for sharing. Knowing that your family —especially your kids—have your back pretty much sums it all up! You’re doing well!
I’ve always been intuitive and psychically gifted and at a very young age was very aware of my wisdom being much older than my actual age. I’ve run across so many situations along these lines and when I couldn’t ignore my natural gifts and abilities I suppressed for years it suddenly shifted to help me see the true layers of myself and the greater guidance from others even if it seemed negative in the moments of the happenings. I take things with a neutral grain of salt now and give myself time to process what the truth is on deeper levels within my own inner guidance and wisdom. I put myself in others shoes so to speak considering where they’re perception is currently and even if what I offer for insight doesn’t resignate or they don’t recognize where I’m coming from in the moment of conversation I know it’ll reach them in the divine timing it’s meant to for them in the right ways and let go of the attachment of the outcome. Our highest guidance from our heart, soul, and spirit directly sourced from God, the Creator, Source, and Gaia (however you perceive this) naturally authenticly shows up in mysterious ways to help us learn, grow, and heal in the ways best suited for us. Being an observer (unbiased and nonjudgmental) from a neutral loving forgiving compassionate heart filled space gives us the opportunity to see the bigger picture of the moments within the moments and the experiences of them to tune into things better that best serve and suited for us in this lifetime to experience life not just live it while elevating, evolving, expanding, and raising ourselves to the highest capacity of being our best selves to support our journey in this lifetime and to reflect that onto others in the best ways possible to mutually bring out the best overall in general. Working through triggers and finding better ways to manage and navigate through them is one of the complexities, yet most rewarding to overcome especially with the support of friends and family who are open minded. Regardless of how difficult things seem or challenging maintaining that beautiful harmonious peaceful safe place “the sweet spot” is where I reside always keeping an open receptive calm mindset and mentality when going through these moments to be reactive outside the “typical” expected response from an observer perspective side so I don’t get “pulled” into what isn’t mine to take personal. Not everything we experience is in our control or even our lessons or wounds to deal with and I’m not out to carry someone else’s baggage cuz they’re not ready to address their own. It takes you out of the codependency of being the rescuer and “fixer” to offer a deeper level of guidance accompanied with leveling up that conscious and subconscious awareness in the best ways possible. We’re not here to do the work for others, but to help them do so for themselves. Though I’m not certified or have a profession in this field of work I’ve been offering the guidance for years as it comes natural to me and more than grateful to. I am gradually working towards starting a couching business being a natural reiki energy healer and extremely love the gifts and abilities I have and how I help others and how it makes a difference even in every day interactions with strangers. So if you would like a better option from a like minded soul shoot me a message and let me know. Here for ya and grateful to be even if I’m not getting paid for it. Looking for healthier connections with like minded individuals for good reasons being it contagiously amplifies and supports the greater good of ALL and I’m definitely all in for that 🥰. Now that I’m done babbling sharing lots of loving support and blessings unto you and your family 🙏🤎💯🫂☯️.
I am so appalled by this coach and I too want the person’s name. I hope I am not following this person.
You are a great woman, I have been following you for years. I’m so proud of you for not cussing the person out b/c god is not done with me yet and I would most likely would have lost it on the person. They do not know you or your family, they should be ashamed of themselves. I hope you eventually choose to share who the person is so we don’t make the same mistake. It’s nice to hear you discussed it with your family and there was a silver lining in it all….but had that been a weaker person, they may have been shattered or personally harmed themself. You carry on shining and standing tall with your unicorn horn pointing to the stars. Don’t accept that persons projection, they are clearly miserable.
I can only imagine how many other people that “coach” has hurt. She needs to check herself clearly! You checked yourself and even check with your loved ones. Good job Summer move on
PS. She sounds like every woman/mom’s worst inner critic horribly manifested as a phantom 😉 Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way would maybe say this guilty negative inner voice was something blocking you that had to be UNblocked which hopefully you did by processing with your family. It’s a GOOD thing that you forget to feed the kids or dogs it means you are on fire and honoring that time and space you need because you ARE a genius. Domestic life kills creative energy. And unfair because I doubt that any male Creative has had one moment of guilt about anything. Ever.