Last night, I dreamed I was doing some kind of martial arts routine that ended with me doing a one-handed handstand on an ancient fallen log. Some martial arts type masters walked by, and one stopped and suggested a complicated routine for me.
I stared back, confused. “You must have mistaken me for someone who actually knows that stuff,” I tried to say. I felt unmasked, mistaken for someone more qualified.
Funny huh? On the one hand, it could be a dream about insecurity, a fear of not living up to my actual ability. Obvious conclusion, right?
Nope, wrong.
It was a dream about denial, about me not yet catching up in my thoughts about myself. This is what I call a “Go Bigger” dream.
I know this because I read my dreams not on the imagery, but on the EMOTION behind them. The emotion was CONFUSION: A type of teacher that I honor and venerate had paused to offer me a more difficult level.
I protested that there must been a mistake! “I’m not AT that level!” Yet I was actually DOING the level, unaware of my mastery. My conception of myself hasn’t caught up to my true ability, which the master had seen but I was unwilling to own up to.
For my most of my life, I felt that if I acknowledged my TRUE abilities, it would further alienate and separate me from other people. I got used to being unpopular, and I learned how to fit in by not standing out. Owning my greatness would only HURT me more, I unconsciously reasoned as a kid.
It has taken me YEARS to undo this thinking. I don’t want to be hated or envied. I don’t want to provoke the insecurities of others.
Today, I see this same drama playing out ALL THE TIME in my students. We want to Go Bigger, but we’re afraid of being seen, afraid of being attacked by people who don’t “get” our thinking, afraid that if we surpass our friends or family, we’re going to LOSE something and feel lost and rejected just as we achieve our true calling.
We don’t want the spotlight. We reason that only conceited, egoistic people WANT the spotlight, right?
Wrong.
I work hard to openly RECEIVE the spotlight. It’s not easy for me to receive, to “toot my own horn.”
Every newsletter I write is mercilessly hard for me, since you get to know me a little more each time in every email I write. I have to continuously expose myself. And I don’t know YOU.
What are you thinking, I wonder? Are you envious? Are you admiring? Or worse, will my openly owned mastery of my material come back and hurt me somehow?
My comfort zone is to be a self-effacing Virgo. And that is exactly what will prevent me from owning my power and frankly, my ability to help heal the world. I really hope you GET what I’m saying. I’m actively falling down and going SMALL every time I hold back from owning my calling, my mastery, and my power. And that will never help YOU.
It will instead be a Big Fail for us BOTH. This goes for you TOO, in every way you hold back your greatness from the people in your life who want and need it.Â
This is the drama (or ceiling/block) my dream pointed out. I need to OWN my power more, not downplay and joke about it, embarrassed to admit what I can do, afraid to be seen as being egoistic. Instead, I need to say “YES I am openly masterful at [insert anything here.]”
Wow, isn’t this incredibly hard for many of us, women in particular?
The dudes can rock their machismo and brag and crow and they are ADMIRED for it. We aren’t. We cover our greatness over with, “No, really I’m not that great. No, stop saying that! C’mon, you’re embarrassing me!”
Here’s the point of this dream (and this post), for me AND for you: Sometimes we are WONDERFUL at things that we’re afraid to show we’re wonderful at.
And crazily, even though we’re great at it, we keep hauling around an old worn-out awareness of ourselves as NOT great. We are afraid to step in to our greatness. These are not the same as insecurity or self-doubt. This is just an old ceiling of self-effacing down-playing of ourselves, based on fears, that we forgot was there.
So many of you are ready for the “next step.”
The “next step” means you have to freely, securely acknowledge the power and awareness you’ve ALREADY created. Not say you “aren’t at that level yet,” not hide it, not dismiss it as “not good enough to [insert your next step] yet.”
The “Master Teachers” you’re looking for in life respond to those who are strong enough inside to step up and take their teachings. You self-select for their classes, they don’t come find you. You’re next step means “OWNING WHAT YOU GOT” without apology.
Maybe that means you have a svelte luscious body and are not afraid to show it (ok I’m envious! Ha!).
Maybe that means you ARE ready to coach and lead others because you DO OWN your knowledge.
Maybe it means you CAN say to your employer that YES you are getting a new job that pays you your true value.
Maybe it means that you CAN price your art, or massage or energy healing at a price above what you’d felt you should charge.
What is it for YOU?
It’s time for you to sit in the FRONT ROW in class. Time to say to yourself and EVERYONE you know: “I can do this, I AM doing this, I am GREAT at this!” Where do you still carry ideas about yourself that are no longer true? Are you ready to release them and see what happens?
I tell you, when you do, a whole new tribe forms around you. You truly step into a new circle of friends, partners, and others who’ve been waiting for you to join them all along.
It’s like waking up…from a dream. 🙂
Now friends, would you do me a favor and leave me a comment here? I want to know how many of you really heard what I was saying in this email, and relate to it. Not all of you will, so I’m curious.
And hey…it will also help me get OVER my fear seeming like an egoistic jerk. The only catch is…if you leave a nice comment, you ALSO have to tell me what YOU are amazing at too!!! Step up an IN. Right…now.
XO and Flow! – Summer[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Your words resonate with my soul and Im not the type of person to say things because they sound nice ; I only say the things that I truly mean. I edit in hindsight as I evolve of course – I foresee no takebacksies here though 😉 . Per request- I am ready to break down my fears and redesign all beliefs that no longer suit me. I am slowly stepping into the light of acknowledgment from others but ultimately myself . Ive embarked on a journey of self-love ;not only for myself but so i can help others too in their growth. I am beautiful inside and out (in the past i would insert flinch /disbelief here). Every day i believe this more and more and am seeing more beauty and love in people too !!! I AM WORTH IT . Much love , wishing you nothing short of your true happiness 🙂
Love it! it’s like unpeeling an onion–there’s always another layer! Of course you should get that Tesla…but you don’t need us to tell you that,m of course. I’m certain you would give the same advice to any of us if we asked. Enjoy–I love those cars (and don’t get me started on Elon Musk!). LOL!
I forgot to add, “thank you for sharing.”
I guess I’m ready for a new teacher, that would be why I found your web site. In the last 40 years of learning about the healing arts and things related it seems like when I need to know something else, a new teacher appears, so I reckon I’ll learn everything you can teach me. I’ll be the quiet one studying your writings and when I have learned enough I will teach others, as I have done for a long time.
Hi Summer, what a perfectly timed post you have!! As you know, for the past year Flow has gently brought me through the biggest insecurities of my life and helped me to go BIGGER than I could ever imagine. For instance, i have a job interview with a company that I thought I would NEVER even be considered for! Without the ability to think BIG and own my talent, I wouldn’t even have followed up on the lead!
Also, I recently went to Paris on vacation. Before, I thought I could never do this unless it was with a partner or say on a honeymoon! Thinking BIG allowed me to expand beyond this thinking and thankfully, I enjoyed my most amazing vacation ever!!
So, thank you for sharing your dream, and for helping to empower us dreamers!
Love, Cathy
Hi Summer,
A.) You are wonderful! The bigger you go the more access the rest of us feel to do the same.
B.) I sought you out! I asked for a master teacher and found you! It is reassuring to know that the people we feel are ahead of us all had to master similar obstacles first. It helps me feel like what I’m working for CAN be done because my teachers had to go through it too. So, keep lighting the way.
This is exactly what I needed to hear and you are right on the money. I’ve been asking what that next step is and am open and listening to guidance, so this fit perfectly into my day. Thank you for writing and sending this out. I appreciate you. 🙂
Hi Summer, this post is so timely for me, almost like it was written just for me. Resonate on all levels. I’m a life coach that moved to a new area and as it goes with uprooting your home, all the comfort zones also comes under the magnifying glass. Bringing my Bigness to the world, standing in the spotlight. So easy to take the lesser road and always hide. My time is up too for living small. All I know is that It is Time, time for all of us to stand our ground, to bring to this world what it truly deserve. Empowered people.
Love & sunshine
I hear you Summer! This is exactly what I have been facing for the better part of this year, in putting myself out there as a Spiritual Transformation Coach! And, although I’ve taken some big steps and witnessed some major breakthroughs in my life this year, I still have a long way to go before reaching that level of public appearance and success that I know is calling me and waiting for me to step into.
It’s finding the right balance of big action steps and small action steps that will keep me in my new flow. It’s sometimes harder to consistently take the smaller actions step that you know will lead to the change you desire than it is to take the big leaps that put you on a new page. I have recently noticed a few friends slowly disappear out of my life, so I know spirit is calling for me to make my move and find out who is there waiting to become a part of my experience now.
I couldo so relate to your post. You put into words what I have been doing all my life. The part where you say you don’t feel you can acknowledge your strengths for fear of alienating people is how I’ve felt my whole life. So I play it safe. I don’t stay with something till I’m better than anyone at it. And, I’ve sucker punched myself several times in my life when a successful opportunity has arisen. Bottom line…success and what that might do to the relationships around me scares me so I stay in my little safe, low income, always changing life. Thank you soo much for putting into words what I’ve been afraid to do!
Hi summer, well ….my first email from you and what a nice reminder about how we dream. I have been failing to see that the dreams we do remember when we wake up are probably remembered for a reason!
I have a background of working with LOA and trying to put this in my life on a daily basis and have finaly come across your book “Creative Flowdreaming” (still reading through it) and of course looked at your website too. Recently had a dream where I was putting my skills as an artist to good use with templates and carving around them in the sand, the templates were animal shapes!
on reading your latest blog I now take this dream from an emotional point of view and see it as telling me that I should continue to keep sculpting my life how I want it to be and being in the sand, is saying it is easier than I have been thinking!
I truely enjoying working with flowdreaming and your book is improving my imaginative abilty to be in the flow, using my best time while I drive to work! instead od day- dreaming I now “Flowdream” while stuck in the fraffic, before I know itmI’m at work! Time well spent in my flow. Thank you, Ian 😉
Hello Summer. Great post!! Thanks so much for sharing.
Let me tell you what it has happened to me: When I started a beauty blog a few years ago, I felt very embarrassed to share the link with my friends and family. I would take a long time to load the pictures and content because I was embarrassed about the opinion of the people. One friend of mine said that the blog background needed more color and another said to me: “you’re the beauty blogger, you should know”, when I asked her about homemade face masks.
All of that made me feel embarrassed and discourage me from keeping up with my blog and as a result, my last post was a year ago.
I also always tell my mother that I don’t like to bring negative energy from people, and that I don’t want them to feel envious of me or my family and to please do not talk about me to friends or family members because I don’t want their envy coming my way. Silly, right? I always down play my achievements because of this fear of letting people know that I am experiencing other opportunities that they can’t right now.
I believe I am very intelligent and very smart. I mean, I learned to speak, read and write English at 27. Every day I learn new things and I am proud of it. I feel that I have go to the next level in comparison to my old friends, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable so I let them believe that I am the same person from 10 years ago.
All this is the fear of being portray as the “showing off”, even though, I believe they think I am a show of.
Good evening, Summer,
I always enjoy your incisive, well written e-mails and I commend your message in this blog. I could not relate to it more. Too many environmnents still make it unsafe for a woman to be healthily empowered.
Courageous, smart and individualistic women are often derided and marginalized in their families, the workplace, religious and spiritual organizations and politics – to name some. I believe this is modern-day witch hunting, if you will.
I’m heartened that many wonderful organizations and the media are doing great work to raise the public’s awareness of this issue.
To respond to your inquiry about your dear readers’ talents, a few of mine are writing and speaking and I am a hell of a good cook and baker.
I wish you the best.
Hi Summer, thank you for such a timely posted blog entry. I’m at a crossroads with my career – either stay where I’m currently at (which is playing small for me) or go BIG with the direction I’m meant to be in. In so many ways this is scary for me. I’m playing small with a job that is the complete opposite of me – narrow.
Today, in this comment section I’m declaring what I am…. I am an amazing Creative Mojo Warrior Princess Engineering Fear Fighting Artistic Mathematical Paintbrush Genius Feminine Goddess that was put on this planet to shine light as brightly as possible with my big hair, big smile, big laugh, big vision, big body, and big love! There I said. Feels good! 🙂
Hi, Summer,
I thoroughly enjoyed this article! Thank you so much for posting it. I do identify with what you wrote. To start, I, too, am a “self-effacing Virgo”. On top of that, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). After being excited about your article and the opportunity to comment, I am now sitting here wondering how to respond about my being “great” somewhere in my life. What finally comes to mind: One task at a job I had was collections, and I was great at that, surprising for someone who doesn’t like conflict. I am a great nurturer which is aided by my empathic ability. And, on a final note, I am great at learning (learning is a passion!).
Wowy, wow-wow Summer! This article totally makes sense and I’m thrilled that you wrote it! I feel that way and I think I always have to be honest. I’ve been working with a mentor to become a coach/mentor. I’m a Reiki Master and Crystal Therapist. I’ve read TONS of stuff about all kinds of stuff and yet I’m still not out there yet. I’m afraid to be seen. I still have a full-time (unfulfilling job) and have just begun telling one or two people there what my goals are with creating my own business.
And of course once I do take that step and hit “publish” on my website there is that concern about what will people think of what I’m doing? I say I don’t care what others think because there are those waiting for me to share what I can offer, but then there’s the thought of “Oh man – what are the people that already “know” me going to think about this?” And I say “know” because if they don’t know that I already do this then they don’t know me do they?
Anyway, thank you so much for sharing this and it’s nice to know there are people who are already out there and successful that have the same concerns as those of us just beginning our journey into entrepreneurship.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing! The phrase “my conception of myself hadn’t caught up to my true ability” really resonated with me. It’s so true that many of us learn early to downplay our gifts and abilities in order to enjoy the relative comfort of “fitting in”.. It’s at the point where we start to notice, “hey, it’s a bit stuffy in this box I’ve created out of my thoughts of others’ expectations of me,” that we start to respond to the urge to go beyond (get into our flow!) and manifest what’s on the inside to the outer world! I find this sometimes requires an incredible amount of faith, willingness to get uncomfortable, self-love and courage!…yes, I love your podcast too! I am an AMAZING leader and motivator and really good at connecting with people!
Hi Summer
I read this post and yes it did resonate. I am in M.E. School because I want to GO BIG.
Thank you for your beautiful words and teaching
This was *exactly* what I needed to hear today. I have been reaching out to connect with potential clients on one hand and holding myself back with the other. Time to go all out and say: Yes! I *can* do this, and I *do* know what I’m doing — at least, as much as most other people out there doing this sort of thing. 😀
Hello Summer
I want to thank you very much for this article.
Because!! This is exact what I needed to read. yES right now!
I’m a photographer and I love my pictures! And poems( I have no degree and no prof. Camera -so I’m extra proud) but! the moment a share them on Facebook doubt insecurity slips in.
A few days ago I made my own page and the last few days I feel so vulnerable.
Also I give workshops on Flower essences. I know I’m so good at it… But find it hard to say that out loud.
When I share something I watch if someone likes.
so because of my feeling of doubt I get less responses.
I am waiting for the world to say Yes to me…
I have a beautiful body but don’t dare to post pictures on Facebook that will accent that.
I have an amazing relationship and child but will not say that out loud to often. ( not wanting to make someone jealous)
It’s really a challenge for me (Virgo) to own my qualities.
so thank you very much I keep this article close to me and it is my reminder that I’m not alone and that it is okay to stand out.
Funny, I would normally not read the email … but something said to do so today, so I did. And what you talked about is EXACTLY what I’ve been dealing with for a few months now. Last year I created the “Own Your Awesome” brand and have come to realize that it means more than just a description of what I help people do. It also means I need to be a model of what that means, and I explore that every day. I am a fantastic coach. I have intuitive insights into what people are really doing and am able to help them shift. Some people have had permanent shifts just spending 30-45 minutes with me. And yet, I don’t always own that. Sometimes I’m shy about my brilliance because it entails a little bit of the “woo woo” side to it. But I am the “Compassionate Empress” and need to step fully into that role if I’m going to help those I was sent here to serve. thank you for the reminder … and the shift in perspective.
Your blog is a mirror of what I am experiencing right now. I keep having clients show up that are challenging me to show who I really am. And who I really am feels vulnerable to do that, yet I know that is exactly what I need to do to keep moving forward. I need to show that I have achieved that higher level of learning in order to help those that are drawn to my services. I know they do not arrive by accident. The Universe sends them my way because it knows I am up for the challenge. Yet, I keep doubting and questioning if I truly am ready. And like you, I think, will people think of me as egoistic or full of it? Will I look like a teacher or mentor to them? What does a teacher or mentor look like? Then I think of that saying when you are ready the teacher will appear. But in my case it’s when you are ready the students will appear. And they are appearing slowly and steadily from the shadows and corners they have been hiding in. Seeking a safe place to embody and embrace what is truth to them without being judged or humiliated. And I , a Virgo like you, provide that safe place. A place where I can listen and hold them in a space of love and allow them to speak their truth. And that my dear Summer is what I do well. I hold that space to allow their Spirit to shine through so that they may learn to trust their truth and their inner knowing and be able to walk their path in their own power and grace.
Yes, I get what you are saying and I am taking ACTION, ACTION to move forward! For those reading these comments, I’m an OD (Original Diamond) and have languished in mediocrity for far too long. This week I put my condo on the market regardless of potential for loss (think prosperity challenge lessons) and announced to family and friends my forward motion of professional and personal changes. I’m great at being a “cheerleader” and encouraging others. Look out everyone, I’m going BIG! This is all extremely flowtastic! Thank you Summer for your continued vision and transparency.
You know.. ill be honest here.. I kinda didn’t want to open your mail, you know “ah some spam, what is this?” But something made me read it.. you know what. And this sentence you wrote.. “its like waking up.. from a dream” hit me right in the chest.
I was pondering the idea the past couple of days that this life is really just a dream.. we have the control, we have it all.. but it is so delicious to achieve something without knowing who you are. I don’t have problems with being afraid of people feeling less around me, sometimes I even imagine them being just reflections of myself.. but not allowing myself to be fully me is a different question. Like feeling that I am just what I see, what I assume with my limited senses.. like no matter what happens things can’t work out.. who says it is supposed to be good for me. “Stop lying to yourself girl.. you are not a big deal”.
But after your mail.. and some thoughts these days.. I realized something. Who says the others know better? How can I be sure that I am not the best thing that happens to this world? What if I am who I want to be? We tend to forget to doubt the negative voices in our heads..
And since you’ve asked for it: I am amazing at living this life, I know so much more than so many people and I know who they really are – powerful beyond imagination. I am good at everything I do because I do it with love. I am the best at loving because this is who I am. Greatness is all around me always. But I have to allow myself to see it.. because I am that powerful. The universe responses to me. I am that powerful. I am the best like everyone else.. because they are part of me. And there is nothing more delicious of knowing we are all one.
Thank you for doing what you do. Thank you for reminding us who we are! 🙂
Hi Summer!
I LOVED your article, it rang so many bells for me and I a really timely way as I’m just re-energising my business (my youngest son is starting school in September so I’m about to have some serious time to devote to my business again) and writing a website and all kinds of stuff about what I do and why people should pay for it. But of course the voice of doubt says ‘you’re not really very good at that stuff, others are far better’ etc. So thank you for sharing – like the Marianne Williamson quote, our staying small does no good I the world, we have to be brave enough to own our mastery. I’m 40 this year and finally allowing myself to be who I am, own what I’ good at and risk others not liking me for it. If they don’t, hey, that’s their call. I won’t hide my light any more.
And what I’m great at is… Helping business owners make a great living and have great quality of life, doing work they absolutely love. I’m a good coach, writer and marketing (mumbles) expert (still find it hard to say expert) who helps people marker their business in wYs they enjoy – and you know what? Not many marketing people do that! I’m a heart centred, spiritual coach and buSiness woman and I love belong people with my skills.
So thank you Summer for giving me the push to say ‘actually I am really good at this’ because I Am!
With love, Susi Jacobs ???? x
PA I didn’t follow up my name in that post with a load of question marks, (because that would be bonkers!) it’s apparently an emoticon Mis-translation for a great big smiley face!! 🙂
PPS terrible typos on both previous posts from big fingers on small
Phone! So frustrating!! 😉
I really heard what you were saying in this email. I am a Virgo as well and it is time to stop playing small. Your email was very timely. BTW, I love the Going Big flowdream.