I’m going to make you jealous

Change & Transitions, Health & Wellness15 Comments

Of all the comments I received in response to my July 17 newsletter, my favorite one was from a woman who wrote me that “cancer saved her life.”

How this woman put my whole email into instant perspective like this is remarkable.

Because it’s true for me too: cancer saved my life.

Not that there was anything wrong with my life.

For the last five years, my life has been arcing upward into more and more happiness every day. Just about everything on my “manifesting list” (about 90%) has come true already.

I’ve actually had to write up a whole new list! And that was tough to do, since most it what I wrote was simply along the lines of “Just give me more of this, please” with a sprinkle of “going bigger” items.

Being in Flow has caused my entire life to reshape itself and turn inside out. All my priorities have shifted. All my expectations have grown.

When I learned I had cancer, I cried for three days straight and mourned what I thought would be a “loss.”

I had fear that I’d lose my breast, hair, and my once-pretty figure. That I’d lose my health, and even my life. That I’d lose a year to horrible anti-cancer treatment. That I’d lose my company, Flowdreaming, during this year. That I’d even lose my faith, since how did I manifest cancer for god sakes?

None of those things are happening.

Being ill is expanding my life.

I love myself…but you loving me? That’s more difficult.

Cancer, Health & Wellness, Resistance, Spirituality36 Comments

Honestly I’ve started and stopped writing this email at least three times. Not only have I not written anything to you in several months (aside from my newsletter last week), but now that I am, it’s incredibly hard to get my thoughts focused.

It’s that “I don’t know where to begin” paralysis.

So how about this: right now, my daughter Lexi is sitting on the bed with me eating chocolate covered strawberries. I’m laying down with bloody drains coming out of my side, trying to take as little pain medication as possible. I just had a mastectomy.

Every day this week, my friends have been bringing my family meals. It’s only the fifth day after surgery and already my refrigerator is stuffed full. My bestie Jen sent the chocolate strawberries. I have bouquets of flowers surrounding my bed and heaps of cards on my table.

And part of me wants to text everyone and tell them to stop sending things and bringing food, because I’m fine goddamit, and then another part of me reminds me that I still need help just putting my clothes on, or brushing my hair.

I know this might be a surprise. People who live a “straight and narrow holy life” aren’t supposed to get things like cancer, are they?

I remember feeling the same way when Wayne Dyer, my radio cohost for many years, got leukemia. And when Debbie Ford, another friend, got cancer. And when Jerry Hicks got cancer.

It doesn’t make sense. Yet of course it does make sense, if we only had the wherewithal to know what was really going on Upstairs.

Nevertheless, I’m going to save the “why I manifested cancer” epistle for another post, because instead I need to explore something more immediate that’s popped up that I’m struggling to understand in terms of Flow, which is how to receive.

Yep, that old bad boy, coming around for yet another round.

What an irony, I think, that I’ve practiced the art of Flowdreaming and manifesting to where I create some truly dazzling things, but even so, here I am rubbing up again against that same ceiling.

You know how I found it this time?

Sucky jobs & pre-existing patterns

Entrepreneurs, Jobs & Work, Wealth17 Comments

One of my students, Maddy, is telling me that she’s waking up at night, panicky, worrying that she’s going to lose her house when they lay her off at work. She doesn’t know when the layoffs will come.

She’s living in a constant state of low-level fear, feeling horribly frustrated and powerless. She’s even applied for another job in the same field that she doesn’t even want, and afraid they’ll reject her.

Last night, another student, Claire, told me that she’s already lost her job and now she’s dreading finding another even as the bills are piling up, since the jobs are always the same low-level, horrible, mind-numbing kind. She’s been on a merry-go-round of them for twenty-five years. Her credit card is stacked up with debt.

Both Claire and Maddy have the same emotional energetic pattern. Let’s pull it out into the sunshine and take a look.

I ask Maddy why she thinks she can’t be happy in a career.

She answers, “My parents always said ‘just get a job. No one likes their job. Everyone just does one. That’s the way it is. Just get through it.’”

“And that’s what you’ve been doing?”

She tearfully nods and chokes out, “Yeah.”

“Do you think I hate my job?” I ask.

“No.”

“Does my husband hate his job as a designer? Do you think my mom hates her job? Did my aunt hate her job teaching English as s second language? Does my cousin hate his job as a chef?”

No, no, no, and no.

“And do you think we have jobs we love because we’re special or smarter or something? In other words, different or better than you?”

“Yes,” she practically whispers.

You don’t always need a “why” (or, “How to fill your well”)

Meditation, Spirituality13 Comments

I’m lying on the floor in a stranger’s house while the house’s owner plants crystals around the room, lights candles, and swishes the air with her arms.

There’re about nine of us lying like packed sardines on yoga mats in her small living room, covered in blankets. We are about to go on a shamanic meditation journey.

I have absolutely no idea what this means or even what we’re going to do next.

When my friend asked me to join her for the event, I said “sure” without thinking, and now here I am.

I’ve been smoked with burning sage, made awkward chitchat, and now we’ve settled down to business.

The leader is powerful gal, and I can tell she’s very comfortable with us as she settles in to guide the group. I decide I’m going to trust her.

Where are we going? I wonder. And, What are we even doing to get there?!

Turns out, we’re practicing a kind of meditation that encompasses rigorous, controlled breathing until we reach a euphoric state.

“Ok,” I think, “maybe I’ll just Flowdream a little while I breathe.”

I mean, it’s what I usually do during savasana (the meditation portion of  yoga class) anyway. It’s my default, go-to, feel-good practice.

And what’s more, I’m good at it, so I get to feel productive and powerful and a tiny bit self-congratulating about my expertise.

Which is probably exactly why as I start the breathing meditation, I feel a booming command: “No Flowdreaming, Summer.”

What the heck?

Should I get a Tesla? (or “How to spot lack thinking anywhere.”)

Entrepreneurs, Wealth12 Comments

Some of you read about my recent car fire/spontaneous combustion.

We’re driving a rental now and looking around for a model we want.

I decided that I have to at least test drive a Tesla.

And that’s what got me thinking about my ceilings again.

I mean, wow, like, a Tesla? Really?!

That’s when I really GOT that we can afford one.

My golly gosh has my life changed.

I’m a stay at home, minivan-driving mom with two kids in grade school. I work from a tiny front bedroom I converted into an office, in a 1970s suburban track home that will barely FIT a Tesla in its garage.

A pool party and a fire-balled car…my Saturday night

Change & Transitions, Family, Health & Wellness, Luck9 Comments

Last night, my husband’s car caught fire and blew up in the street. It was parked in front of our house.
 
Around his car were twenty other parked cars owned by the parents of most the kids in my daughter’s 6th grade class.
 
What the heck happened?

The backstory:

Our daughter Lexi is in Cotillion.
 
In San Diego, at least, Cotillion is a Madmen-style 1950s-1960s last-ditch attempt to teach our kids wedding dances and manners before they head into middle school.
 
The kids suffer through instructions and dances in hot stuffy suits and scratchy dresses and pantyhose at a very classy racetrack ballroom.
 
I offered to host a little swim party after the kids’ first lesson to help break the ice, since few 6th grade boys relish wearing ties and dancing with girls. I asked all the parents to come too, to help us get to know each other.
 
So the kids are having a great time cannon-balling in the pool, my husband is mixing margaritas faster than the parents can gulp them, and the front and back doors to our house are wide open with parents and kids spilling from front-yard to back.
 
At around 10 pm, one dad says, “What’s that?” and points out the front door.
 
My god, that’s a fireball in the street.
 
That’s my husband’s car.

Do you know how to let the genie out of the bottle?

Entrepreneurs, Passion & Purpose2 Comments

Self-Trust + Manifesting (creation)

The two together are all you need to build a happy life. It works. Period. I just proved that to myself again. When are you going to prove it to YOURself?
This is the point of Flowdreaming: to create things that sell out or expand or take you to your next level; to create relationships that make your heart sing; and to cultivate and follow your self-trust so you know that whatever you choose to do next, it’s what will bring you the feelings you’ve been yearning for all these years.

What ever happened to sweet little Flow??

Change & Transitions, Entrepreneurs, Spirituality, UncategorizedLeave a comment

I’ve known this question was coming for a while: “What happened to sweet loving Flow and manifesting!? Why are all your emails now about ‘going big,’ owning your power, facing fear, and on and on? Holy mackerel!

What happened to all your sweet flowy lovey stuff about ease and the Flowdreaming technique and all that?”

Hahaha! Okay, that’s a compilation of questions a few brave souls have asked.

Here’s the answer: I’ve written for YEARS about how to get into alignment.

With yourself, with your future, with your flow.

How to find your Flow, and stay in it, and play and create in it! And how the Universe really LISTENS and OFFERS itself to you, everyday. And how when you’re truly in Flow, everything you do is 100% easier and more rewarding. And I probably will write about all that again, maybe even soon.

But some big, huge issue began pestering me a while back, having EVERYTHING to do with manifesting and Flow-my manifesting, your manifesting, all of us and all our Flows. 

There’s nothing to see here, folks

Entrepreneurs, Passion & Purpose, Spirituality28 Comments

Last night, I dreamed I was doing some kind of martial arts routine that ended with me doing a one-handed handstand on an ancient fallen log. Some martial arts type masters walked by, and one stopped and suggested a complicated routine for me.

I stared back, confused. “You must have mistaken me for someone who actually knows that stuff,” I tried to say. I felt unmasked, mistaken for someone more qualified.

Funny huh? On the one hand, it could be a dream about insecurity, a fear of not living up to my actual ability. Obvious conclusion, right?

Nope, wrong.