Uh…which one of us needs therapy in this relationship?
“Is it you, or is it me?”
“Am I letting you get away with too much? Am I enabling you? Or are you the one with the problem?”
“Why do you say ‘okay I’ll change’ and then a month (or less!) later, we’re just back to where we were before?”
“When should I just give up and walk away? How can I know that feeling with 100% certainty, instead of the constant confusion I now feel?”
These are questions I hear all the time.
The latest set came from one of my closest girlfriends, Jenny.
She’s sniffling on my patio couch, her bare feet tucked up under her, arms around her knees. She’s beautiful, super athletic, and a sucker for exciting guys who have the same strong personal growth trajectory that she has. The men she chooses also have a tendency to get very weird in relationships.
Three marriages later, you’d think she’d know by now how to spot the men who’ll eventually trample her. And for that matter, the close girlfriends she’s had who’ll also make her end up feeling in the wrong.
The latest is that she’s broken up with Jake.
I remember when Jake was so amazing. Then he started getting…odd.
It began with jealousy: Was she flirting with other guys? Was she having too much fun with her girlfriends on girls night? Had she ever slept with one of her oldest and best friends, who happens to be a guy?
Jake began rifling through her email and texts, and when he found her old Tinder profile, went full out on the offensive.