I’ve never been a one-size-fits-all girl

A big tropical thunderstorm is rolling its way through the sky right now. The thunder was so loud, it woke the whole house at 6:30 this morning.

It feels like Hawaii here. Moist, wet, with the birds singing and big dark clouds pouring warm rain off and on onto my covered patio.

 It gets me in a thoughtful mood.

 Out of the hundreds of blog responses I’ve received in the last month, wishing me well, one has been clinging inside my head.

The sender, Karen, wrote:

 “I cannot wrap my mind around the ‘Why Summer??’ I have always known you to be a positive, happy, content woman. I thought cancer engulfed people who were worried and unhappy on the inside. This takes it to a whole different level for me.”

 Yeah, for me too, Karen. I admit to having harbored a bit of the same bias.

 People in personal growth often get caught up in the self-blame act. We look at everything and try to rationalize it.

“Cancer means lack of self-love.”

“Cancer is your wake-up call, because you were going down the wrong path.”

“Cancer means you’ve been stewing in negativity and a toxic environment.”

“Cancer means you weren’t paying enough attention to your body.”

Gosh, that sucks. Look at all I’m doing wrong!

Or wait a minute. Because, this is not at all how I’m experiencing this cancer.

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Junior high, getting intimate, and Daddy Longlegs…yeah, it’s all here.

It’s 5 a.m. and I’m sitting here writing you. I’m up because the pain in my hips woke me. It’s pain from the chemo drugs.

Funny things happen this early in a suburban house. There’s a newborn daddy longlegs spider running across my keyboard (fresh hatch of the day?).

My cats lay on my desk looking at me, mystified. Why is the human up?

I try to text my friends, but no one texts back. (What’s wrong with them? Don’t they know I’m up?!)

And this morning’s crop of email is not especially interesting. I unsubscribe from much of it.

I flash back to 12 years ago, when I was also typically up by about 4:30 a.m. to work on writing my first book.

Back then I was hugely pregnant with my daughter. I was also tired and aching, and I had to be at my 9 to 5 job by 7 a.m. on-the-dot each morning.

Now here I am about to take that baby from 12 years ago, Lexi, to her first day of junior high three hours from now.

We stayed up in bed last night going through her classes, her schedule, which friends were in her classes, and importantly (but devastatingly), which “hot guys” were not.

And it got me thinking how life is a continuous craving of new experiences.

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I could use some Goddess Power. How about you?

“Summer, why don’t you ever talk about…you know…sex. And Flowdreaming.”

I get this question every few months, and it’s a really good question.

Because, you’re right, I tend to avoid talking about sex and sensuality with Flow.

I’m very aware that being in Flow can certainly be a practically orgiastic experience. After all, you’re opening your emotional self in huge way and synching up with the most powerful energy in the Universe.

For another thing, my Flowdreams can be pretty evocative. After all, I’m trying to stimulate you to feel something, and get you into your emotions.

So when I thought of narrating a Flowdream about your sensuality and helping you reawaken and strengthen your natural feminine power…I’ve continuously gotten stuck at the thought: “It’s going to sound just like porn!! Oh my God!!! I know it. Ugh how can I get it to not sound porny?!”

And that’s the truth.

But I finally got over it, because I love you, and my fear of how I might sound shouldn’t get in the way of all the good it will do for you and thousands of other women.

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I used to think life was fair

I used to think life was fair: If I played by the rules, bad stuff wouldn’t happen. Now I know that those rules are bunk.

I received an email this morning from someone that puts into words exactly how I used to feel:

She wrote: “We couldn’t afford much as we went through our layoff with our newborn and toddler in tow, but we managed to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps in the end. For quite awhile there, our life was a chaotic storm. We couldn’t see anything but the nightmare around us…we didn’t understand…we were educated professionals who played by the rules…why is this happening to us?!

I know that feeling so well. It’s pure disillusionment.

But when you get past this, you become free. Absolutely free.

Here’s why:

We all have a set of rules that we play by. And we get really upset when other people break these rules, and seem to suffer no consequences.

(Have you ever wished someone you despise would get a broken leg, but they NEVER do, and worse, better and better things keep happening to them? If you have, you’ve got to keep reading.)

We also get bummed when we ourselves do everything right, and then one day we get completely dumped on.

I felt this way when I left my corporate job. It wasn’t fair that I was making the company multi-millions each year through our new division, and no one saw or cared about what I had given them, even when the numbers were staring them right in the face.

I felt this way, too, when I got cancer at 43. I eat organic foods, was vegetarian for 24 years, and I’ve probably swallowed more herbs and vitamins than most people will consume in a lifetime. So, cancer? Seriously?

It’s not fair.

However…thank God I’ve gotten over fairness!!!! 

Hear me: Fairness can hamstring you and hold you back in ways you can’t imagine. Let’s turn this concept on its head. 

Ready to go break a ceiling in your thinking?

I’ve got a much better strategy to play by!!! 

Do you want to find out what it is???

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Being stuck is a choice.

There are a couple of really good songs this summer that I’m trying hard not to listen to too much.

I don’t want to end up hating them, like I did with “All About That Bass.”

So I know how it feels to want to Flowdream for something, pop in the Flowdream mp3, and think, “Oh not this again.”

That’s one of the reasons why I created playlists.

Playlists are groups of Flowdreams that address a single desire, but through multiple emotional states.

And that’s the other reason that Playlists are the way to go.

Since we often don’t know what areas are truly blocked, with a Playlist you have a much better chance of busting through and getting your Flow moving.

A playlist has you using several emotional paths instead of just one.

For instance, sometimes I’ll talk with someone who has to make a decision. They feel frustrated and stuck. No options seem right.

It would seem obvious to suggest that they use the single Flowdream “Effortless Decisions” and be done with it.

But sometimes, going straight-on like that is counterproductive—it can make a person feel even more frustrated if the right answer doesn’t pop up after a few listens.

That’s why instead I recommend the “Get Unstuck! Playlist.” Your inability to make a choice could be there for a variety of reasons, and the playlist unearths them for you.

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