What to do when you face fear or frustration

I can’t even begin to tell you how much of my life in the last decade has centered around breaking down fears. One after another, chop-chop-chop. Dead trees falling.

I’ve been stumbling through the downed logs (and even getting lost), but somehow, I’ve still been getting somewhere…and not just anywhere…but to someplace wild and fantastic and fulfilling. Each month breaks new ground for me, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and even financially.

It never feels right to keep my secrets for success to myself. I want to shout them to everybody.

For instance, this last week, I’ve realized that Flow has purposely kept me on this hamster wheel of “fear breaking.” After all, whenever I break past one of my own blocks, I’m able to help someone else break past theirs. “Oh,” I said, no longer upset. “I get it.”

Fear, I’ve learned, has so many disguises. Just when I think I’ve pinned it down, it pops up in another costume. It’s like playing Whack-a-Mole.

For example, I might be helping a Flowdreaming student who’s been hemming and hawing. They’re suffering from indecision. We’re four months into our mentoring, and nothing has happened.

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“I love me, I love me not.” Do you have self-love? Take a quiz.

Do you truly love yourself? Let’s find out. Here’s a quick test to check your levels of self-love. Keep track of your “yes’s.”
  1. I treat myself to little splurges now and then. Not splurges that get me in debt (like paying for something on my credit card that I don’t really need and won’t be able to pay off in a month) or harm my body (like having a cigarette), but I have splurges that make me feel good and and healthy ( such as a pedicure, some Flowdreaming, taking a walk in the middle of my workday, taking a nap, etc.)
  2. I take time for myself consistently at least once a week, either as my own quiet time or to enjoy something I love to do.
  3. I take care of my body and appearance with nice clothes, a good haircut, and anything that makes me feel more powerful and confident.
  4. I’m able to stop myself from unhealthy behaviors that will hurt me in the long run (overeating, smoking, drinking to excess, calling my bad ex, etc.)
  5. When I do take time for myself, or spend a little money on myself, I don’t feel any twinges of guilt or “I shouldn’t have.”
  6. I say no sometimes, and I don’t feel guilty.
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The ugly black jacket I wore for my boss

Here’s a photo of the ugly black jacket I wore for my boss. When I knew I had to have a meeting with her, I’d wipe off my lipstick in the bathroom, shrug into this shapeless polyester mess, and if I didn’t have enough cat hairs and other fuzzy crud already stuck to its lapels, I’d rumple myself up a little more to look as bad as I possibly could.

Notice how loose this jacket is, and how the sleeves are way too long so I had to cuff them in bunchy rolls. Notice, too, the kids’ snot on the arm. That has been there for years. Wiping it off would’ve defeated the purpose.

I’d be throwing on the jacket, of course, just a few hours after I’d cried at my own bathroom sink before leaving for work, so my face already had a miserable blotchy look going for it. I was ready.

This was a really sucky time in my life.

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“No, I refuse to change you. And damn! … That makes me so happy!”

 

What is it that makes us think we can change people? How many times have you found yourself wishing that your romantic partner would do something you wanted, or not do something, or somehow meet your needs by changing somehow? How often have you wished the same about a parent, or sibling, or child? “If they’d just do this, or give me that, or stop doing this…”

A cardinal rule of Flowdreaming is that you are a magnificently powerful being…but your power extends only to YOU and YOUR OWN LIFE. Anyone else…well they’re also incredibly powerful…in their own life.

As long as you stick with manifesting for yourself, you’re going to prosper. Once you start trying to change someone else, you’re going to hit walls. Why?

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